Soundtrack of My Life

There's So Much More To Do...

2010-06-11T11:05:00.002+08:00

In life, everyone has an aim, a goal, something they want to achieve before they leave this earth. I have a dream, a goal too. I want to be successful, who doesn't, and want to be able to live without the worries of money :)

I have been studying for the past week, something I don't usually do well in, but by His grace, i usually do fine in my exams. The only problem is, I don't wanna just do okay or fine in the upcoming papers, I wanna ace it. I'll try my hardest for sure, but my attention span is that of a peanut. Example 1, I was at my friend's, Jeen Pei's, house yesterday trying my best to study but the whole focus shifted once the Nintendo Wii was on. Great huh? Yea, from one game it turned into a whole hour of playing and only left me with about half an hour to study. See little distractions like this throws my attention of studying out the window. I hate my attention span.

But I am looking forward to the part after my exams :) I whole 2 months of class-free schedule and all I need to do is work :l Okay, so I won't be as to put it "bumming" around, cause I need my bank account balance to increase in digits, hopefully zeroes as well. Working at starbucks is fine and all, but working there too often makes you wanna slit your throat and stab your brains (I don't mean it literally). It's just that I get bored too easily working there. That's why I'm considering a second part-time job :) yea, still in the same F&B line but hopefully the 'new' job will be one that is less straining/tiring.

So yea, my 2 months from now have been settled and done with, not bad at all huh? :)

more to come :)

Sometimes It's Hard To Live In Reality.

2010-06-04T00:28:00.002+08:00

Time has passed by so fast! Too fast if I must add. I find it quite unbelievable that we are almost halfway through with 2010. My classes for semester 1 has ended and it's been a whole lot of crazy going on with me. Stress, that was faced and done with (for now at least) and a new phase of my life will be coming right up. Yes, HOLIDAYS! :) haha, back to bumming and sleeping in and doing a whole lot of nothing... Maybe going around town and just chill... Yea, it does bring me back to my 2009... But one thing's for sure, I can't be too much of a bum. Need to work hard and earn some money. Too many things have been listed in my "want" list and it's not going to get longer. Need to cross them off my list (by which I mean buy/get them, not forgo them) :) I'm considering a second job for now. Starbucks been great but it isn't a whole lot fun working there all the time. Besides, I feel like I've lost the interest working there. Don't think I'll be leaving starbucks, not for now anyway. I recently got asked to work in this new cafe place over at Jaya One and I'm considering it, negotiating and hoping that it'll be a better job than my current. I might just work at both place, that way I get more pay. But that would suck in the long run.

Yea, reality bites. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you plan it to be. And maybe it's just a way for you to work even harder. It does, however, still annoys the hell out of you. I need to focus on the last leg of the race in my 1st semester. Final exams in 2 weeks, need to start hitting the books (or in my case, notes). Just so you know, studying and me is like a balloon facing a needle, it can hurt me bad. After my final paper on 21st of June, I'll probably start by working more hours. Yay, can't wait -_-

hard work, please pay off :)

I Am Smart, Don't Tell Me Otherwise Cause I Just Won't Give A Damn :)N

2010-05-27T22:53:00.004+08:00

Yea... Blogging :) Not something I find fun anymore :) But freestyle writing and no boundaries expression, I think I can do a little more of them. I've been super busy the past few weeks, mainly with assignments and group presentation preparations. Done a lot of hard work (by which I mean, sacrificing late nights to do last minute work). Ok, so my method of working is still leaving things to the last minute but I don't see much of a problem in that for now.

Let me tell you a little bit about my friend Stress. My relationship with stress is just great :) I am motivated, inspired, pushed to the limits by him. So he isn't a friend I would hang out much with, but he isn't that bad of a guy you know. I think I work harder with him around. After today, he's gone away.

My preparations for my BIG presentations were today. I used the plural because I had two different presentations. FML. But that didn't kill me, no worries. But it did cause me to get more anxious and nervous. I felt the adrenaline rush flowing through me (ok fine it was exaggerated but still it was intense and exciting).

Advertising Principles Group Presentation, I honestly expected that my group would have and could have done way better if time was used better, but unfortunately, our last minute work only helped us enough to maybe borderline pass. I'm not complaining or anything, I think everyone did remarkably well, considering the lack of preparation, but it's all good now. What I'm freaking glad was my Mass Comm Group Presentation. It feels pretty damn awesome to have all the hard work you put into something paid off well. We got an A btw. :) And it is mainly thanks to Zoe Lim, my group mate who actually did a whole bunch of stuff :) including editing videos (which you can watch by clicking herehttp://www.youtube.com/user/RapeInPrevention. It's pretty awesome how she does this really cool stuff like taking pictures, filming vids and editing them. And of course I did some work too, if you were thinking "Jared's a lazy basterd".

Posters for my Ad Principles presentation:

And these are done for my Mass Comm presentation:

I know they look really amateurish. But who cares, I am one. :) The first two pictures were taken and edited by me (bruise marks by Zoe), yes, that's why it looks kinda crappy. The last two pictures were taken by Zoe and edited by me :) The girl is my other group mate, Jeen Pei.

Yes, so my last few weeks have been pretty preoccupied and sadly I have forsaken many other things for that, like skipping church service (forgive me Lord), watching little to none television, sleeping too little and NOT WORKING! I gave up on working too! Ok not forever lar, just for the time being. I need to have "Me time" too you know. But the feeling of not working is starting to affect me greater each passing moment. Everyday, my wallet gets lighter and my bank account losses more digits. I need the cash, hence "Me time" will have to wait. Good news is, my break is just around the corner. That means more free time :) I just have to pass one more obstacle, exams. It's my last lap before my sem ends, so why not do it well eh?

On another note, I'm getting a Canon DSLR soon :) yay!

peace out :)

Sadly, This Is Reality

2010-05-06T21:16:00.002+08:00

I wish I can be a rockstar, traveling the world and being seen and heard. I wish I can be a hobo, living in the streets with no responsibility whatsoever. I wish I could be anywhere else but here. Dreams are so easy to dream, but living it is ten times harder. I hate the fact that I feel hopeless in life so often nowadays. I don't like the feeling of being trapped or having your dreams killed by the reality I'm in. Can someone just take me to the moon? :)

It really isn't as bad as it probably is, but I feel as if I'm stuck in a hole that is twelve feet deep and there's no way out. Somehow I'm trapped and exposed at the same time. People seem to see my weaknesses, I feel transparent and vulnerable. That isn't a very good position to be in. I like my privacy and I like things kept to myself, don't go revealing personal stuff.

I feel even worse these days. Must be the stress from assignments and the fact that I have no life outside of my college. Even church seems dull these days. Damn it, why can't things just be easier? Why must reality be such an ass? I am trying to keep myself calm and collected and it's really harder said than done. Anger and frustration just keep bursting out of me in the night, it really sucks, it sucks bad.

Okay, so there, I've vent out my frustrations, some of it at least...

Freedom, pls come my way...

Turn The Lights Off...

2010-05-03T20:53:00.002+08:00

If you haven't already realize, my blog is kinda dead, I know I should update it more often, but I'm honestly not inspired anymore. BUT... This post is kinda out of the ordinary, so I have to blog about what happened last night. After work, my colleague and I went for a movie, Iron Man 2! Yea, the movie was, Action packed. So, what happened was after the movie we headed back to the car. I am currently driving this really old tank @Volvo. It turns out that I forgot to turn my headlights off. YES! My battery died, I couldn't even get the door to unlock, had to manually use the key and turn it (the alarm went off and I almost died of stress). We tried many methods, like pushing the car to give it a start. But it was a failure. Screw that, I was tired and pissed and sleepy. It killed the mood that night. I kept praying, begging God for some miracle or a way to get over the situation. Praise God, He answered my prayers. Two awesome guys with a Ford Ranger were there and we asked for help. Amazingly the driver had a jump start cable, which he so magically pulled out from his back seat. It was as if he was prepared or knew someone would need it. It was truly an amazing coincidence, but I do believe that God was real and at work then. That incident left me shocked and amazed. My colleague and I were like stunned with joy at the miracle :)

Praise the Lord, Amen :D

Love is More Than A Four Letter Word

2010-03-26T01:03:00.002+08:00

Ah yes, the ever relying, ever strived for, what everyone dreams of and hopes for, and searches all their life to find it. Yea, it does happen to everyone ones in a lifetime. I love a lot of things (yes, love is not only regarded to another person), music, movies, tv shows, money, people... etc. The level of love for each does differ but, there's always a dilemma when it comes to love, something I call, Self. When it comes to love, you will naturally end up thinking about yourself.

True love is being selfless... True, but no one can truly say that they have true love. I for one have been rather selfish. Yes, I admit. Most often I like to put my feelings and considerations first before anyone else. I apologize if at times I put anyone down for my benefit. I do it sub-consciously and I do regret the feeling after. At the end of the day, I don't think that you can love someone and not care about yourself, c'mon even the reasons for loving someone isn't selfless...

I know that sometimes one can love so many things at one time. Is that wrong? I don't believe so, loving and being loyal is a whole different topic all together, but then again when it comes to loving a person, you must be faithful and loyal. I hate the feeling that I have been disloyal to God lately. I do stumble at times, and this here is my confession. It's hard to stay focussed to one when there are so many other distractions out there. I just gotta work harder at it. My ultimate goal is to live my life for His purpose after all...

On another note, is it ever too early to start looking for love? I keep seeing everyone around me hooking up or coupling. Yea, I find it rather weird, cause for me, I really don't find the reasons for dating. Hmmm, yea, I should start maturing now. I do sound like a little kid don't I? My colleagues think I look too kiddish and innocent... T_T I hate me... But that ain't entirely bad lar. Just that at most times, it's bad. :(

Anyway, that's just my short take on the L word. I guess I'll learn more about it in the years to come, and hopefully when love walks in, music and movies will not be it.

What happened in the day? Well, I personally loved today and tomorrow (friday). :) I'm sorry, it's midnight, but its still the 25th to me. Moving on, today was great cause my advertising class ended early :) So, joy to us all... And yea, we had mass comm tutorial... Cool stuff :) We watched a movie, Shattered Glass. What I learned? Journalism ethics. Keep that in mind... It was a rather interesting movie that really keeps you thinking... YES! And tomorrows Comp Graphics class got canceled! I finally get a whole day of nothing to do :) But I shall be a good boy and start on my assignment that is due in 2 weeks... :)

peace ya'll ;)

Sleepy, BUT I need to get things done....

2010-03-17T02:22:00.003+08:00

Oh God, I can't believe I've been staying up till 2am these pass few days. YES even now. God, I swear I could just die, but I shall be strong and continue to press on to get through the day. My life's an irony I tell you. Why do I say so? Well, it's maybe cause I'm selfish, that or maybe life just like to play around with me.

I'm currently stuck in a dilemma. I find myself not being able to work enough. On one hand I love that I have a little more chill time to just be able to relax and maybe do some work, but on the other hand, I suffer financially. I squeeze my wallet for enough dough to help me survive a month. Yes, I do not like to save. Like I've always said, the main purpose of me working is for me to be able to enjoy going out, buying things whenever and not worry about asking or begging from my parents. Then again, it's not as if I don't want to work, it's the fact that my classes always get in the way of me working. For now, at least, I should put my priority to my studies. God help me.

Another thing is, with reference to the above, I have been really lazy lately. With work ending so late, I get up late as well, practically just enough time for me to wash up and head to class. Yea, that's screwing up my life. I need time to focus on my assignments. I'm so way behind everyone and the pressure is getting to me. It's frustrating to know that you have to get something done but whenever you get the motivation or when you're finally in the right mood to do your work, other things obstructs you. Yes, like work, for me. Nowadays, use any free available time I have to go online and watch korean dramas.

I know that I'm in a crunch for time, but please just leave me be :( I want my work done a.s.a.p. as well. All I can do now is just pray real hard for His mercy and grace and hope to Him that he'll give me the strength and self-control I really need :)

I need a balance in life. And money, more and more of $$ :)

Shoot, dang it... FAIL!!! :(

2010-03-13T00:10:00.004+08:00

NOoooo!! I think I suck... :(

So, I think we're all familiar with the word 'Procrastination'? Yea, we all know it very very well... Lately for me, procrastination has been following me around and clinging on to me way too tightly. I can't seem to shake it off. Dear God help me PLEASE!

I hate the feeling of last minute work. Honestly, yes, stress does help motivate you to work hard, but when you did your work within the last hour or so, it turns around and bites you in the behind :( That's as much as I can say or describe how I did my last assignment, and damn it is a disgrace to all "artists" out there. Yea, I do want to achieve a high level of creativity, one where I can come up or create a work of art, a masterpiece. Hell no, from where I am now, it'll take a miracle. And no thanks to my "BFF" Mr. Procrastination. I just wanna do my best and give my all and show everyone that I am capable to be creative and also to myself that I did not choose the wrong course...

With that said. Procrastination, we're over. I don't friend you no more. And laziness, stay the hell away from me :)

This here is going to make you cry (or laugh) but do try to control yourself as to not get seriously injured. Voila... My first Computer Graphics assignment on creating symbols, based on pictures of animals (3 different animals to be exact).

For your entertainment :)

Frustration's Causing Me To Stress OUT!

2010-03-10T23:13:00.005+08:00

Argghhh... My assignment is really killing my nerves, if that's even possible. I can't seem to get Illustrator right. You know the feeling where you try and try to make something the way you imagine it, but somehow, a little twit here and a slight change there and suddenly BOOM!, your work seems ruined... I'm losing my patience, something I really need to work on more.

Today, I shall share a brief account on my college life. As said in previous post, I'm really liking the environment, the subjects (although it does get boring and frustrating), the really cool lecturers and what is classes without great awesome classmates? Well, to be honest, I never really gave much interest into making friends or getting to know people more when at college. I guess I just thought that the hassle of finding a crowd and fitting in will just involve more hard work. I guess I wanted to be more serious when in college, focussing on my course and my work. But that ain't the case, I honestly thing that the people that makes up my class are the most diverse and uniquely weird (in a good way). Yea, they aren't your everyday-next-door kinda of people. It's awesome how everyone seems to be so different yet are able to be comfortable with each other. And it's great that, somehow, I feel comfortable being just the way I am.

No, I'm not saying that it's fairy tale land. C'mon, let's get real. What is perfection anyway? One thing I realize through my 19 years of living is that there are always clicks. Everywhere you go, you'll tend to see people of the same character and/or liking stick together. That's not so bad, i guess in a way that's life. We tend to draw nearer to the "same kind". But thankfully, I'm able to not only be but also see others get comfortable even when not around their "own kind".

An awesome course, with fun people... Yea, that's my kind of college. Though I know that my semester will only get harder, but ultimately, it's good to know that you have people there going through the hardships with.

A New Epic Starts Now...

2010-03-07T22:45:00.003+08:00

This blog is really verging on it's death. I'm trying hard to keep it alive, but somehow I haven't been motivated enough to post up stuff. Right, with that aside...

I never really enjoyed the simplicity of life. I kinda like the varied surprises and unknown happenings. So yea, mundane boring repetitive days are an absolute NO for me. It's great and all to be prepared for your upcoming battles, but not to the extent where the outcome becomes predictable. Maybe my chilling attitude and worry-less character for tomorrow is causing me procrastination and laziness... I admit that nothing fears me much, I'm prepared to do anything to try to survive and honestly, I feel I'm becoming used to failures. So, the next time you expect great achievement from me, think again. Not that I hate to be expected to succeed, but sometimes disappointing others puts you down as well. Where am I coming from? Well, this is my take since working, honestly sometimes I feel useless and such a failure there... but then there'll be moments where I feel I've achieved good things for my store. So, does that make me a failure? I don't know, you tell me. But it's not complete failure if you do have a certain success record. Damn, this is pretty confusing, but I know that I ain't a failure in His eyes.

I've lately been working hard to keep my spiritual life on the top notch, even though it's hard. But I wanna be faithful to God and I wanna be consistent in doing my quite time and serving Him. Most of the time taking the easy way out and wanting to live the worldly life seem so tempting, but I've got to constantly remind myself what my purpose in life is and what is best for me, in the long run. I'm getting there, praying real hard for the passion in me to keep burning strong...

On another note of my life, College! So far, it's been awesome... :) I've already had a couple of assignments piling. And as usual, my pathetic procrastinating buddy keeps getting in the way of me completing them assignments. I really shouldn't take them lightly. But that's just the way it is now... but overall, things has been fun... Completing my first homework, which to me is a pretty good first attempt, is really great. Computer graphics class is super fun but super difficult to master. I'll be needing a whole lot more of practice with my "BFF" Adobe Illustrator.

Just so you are clear, the photo above was copied from the internet... It was an awesome shot and edit. Yea, ok maybe it seems easy but I have not a clue how it's done, yet. But my goal is to achieve a great edited photograph :) The below on the other hand is my first attempt on copying the almost similar... Of course my work was not exactly but from a distance it's more or less similar... at least it doesn't look off... I have another assignment with Illustrator due Friday, I'll make it proud to be looked upon :)

keep on shining :)

For The Sake Of It...

2010-02-21T14:04:00.002+08:00

Two weeks of break! So far it has been awesome. Chinese New Year has been really great, I ate so much and have been skipping gym for 2 weeks now... NOT good!! But it's been a good week of resting and just hanging out... It's not being lazy, but just having that much needed doing nothing :)

19.02.10

A trip down to KL. With the brinjal, potato and the brinjal's sister :) We wandered around Petaling Street/ Pasar Seni... Then to the awesome Pavilion where we visited Mooks. Later on to Kinokuniya, KLCC. And we travelled back to Kota Damansara for dinner and then stopped by The Curve before heading back home. Yea that was a lot of places visited and a lot of money spent along the way, mainly on food :( I didn't even buy anything and yet I feel so broke... God, traveling around does require money as well... But, I'm not complaining.

20.02.10

After church I had a store partner's meeting @ Starbucks... And later dinner at Tram Car, paid for with our hard earned prize money for getting 2nd at some sales target challenge... :) I loved how everyone had such a fun time chilling and chatting with one another... After dinner a few of us (AJ, Nina and Billy) were suppose to go for a session of karaoke... We ended up going all the way to Jalan Ampang for a cheap rate session, which unfortunately had a long waiting list. We went off cause the wait was just too ridiculous. So we decided to try another place and we ended up at BB Plaza at Jalan Bukit Bintang. We left almost immediately after finding out the price for one pax... RM48++? Insane lar this places... At last we decided to just go back to SS2 to karaoke... But that was then about 12.30am. I will die of exhaustion if we did go for it. But I managed to persuade the rest to just call it a night. And so we did, Nina who was our dear driver dropped us home :) But not before a stop at the 24hours KFC at (i think) Jalan University? Anyway, we had a fun time talking, laughing and making fun of each other... xD All in all, it was an awesome night. I ended up reaching home around 3am...

Life does go on...

Announcement of A Dead Blog Rising From The Ashes...

2010-02-07T19:33:00.003+08:00

Okay, so I haven't been blogging much... Sorry, my bad. But this is really a hassle to me now, at least for now. Fortunately for those who actually read this, and know about my life through the blog, nothing much has happened :) Okay, that's a lie, cause my life suddenly went to a whole new level... I got Elevated, unfortunately not much on the spiritual side...

Quick notes to update...

Firstly, I've started college!! Yes, finally :) but that's just half of it. College has been super fun. I'm currently doing a diploma in Creative Multimedia over at IACT College. When they say college life is awesome, no one told me how amazing FUN it is... Well, at least for now it's fun. Thankfully the work load has yet to pile. Attending classes and listening to lectures and learning Computer Graphics (the super noob level) is really really exciting. And yeah, although I do still get sleepy in lectures, but every now and then the lecturer will entertain us in different ways. I like how they try to keep classes real casual and a fun method... My classmates! They're the best bunch of people. Their randomness never seize to amaze me. And I thank God for awesome people that actually connect well with one another.

Well, last thursday was my birthday, if you didn't know, REPENT NOW! xD I'm kidding, but this year was exceptional. I really am grateful for the many little yet touching gestures the people in my life did... Thank you for the wishes all you peeps. And a big thanks for the awesome time ( AJ & Kishore & the Starbucks partners; IACT Class of 201001 and you SAMPATS!) Blekh... ok this is turning into an acceptance award speech... Anyway, you guys get the point, right?

That, is the very brief and short summary of what's been going down the past 1 month or so. Sure I'm pretty much still the same, but somehow I feel even more exhausted than before. I am having fun and all, but studying in the afternoon and working at nights can be pretty tiring. I feel so lazy and just feel like sleeping in every morning, shoot, I'm demotivating myself... NO! Mornings' are gym time and me time... sleep from now on is unfortunately only a minimum necessity for me... :(

What else is there for me to blab here? Well, Chinese New Year is just a weekend away, I'm honestly not feeling festive much these days... Sigh of sadness, but truthfully, I guess when you're not doing much visitations or traveling, it's probably just another day... I hope to get a little bit of $$ though :) yeah, I have been really money crazy lately.. Oh well, the world goes round... I promise I'll update more frequently :)

Keep looking :)

Somethings Just Don't Change, They Have To be Accepted

2010-01-09T22:58:00.003+08:00

I seem to have lost my sanity again. I know that at times I need to just suck it in and accept facts that somethings just are that way.

Over the past year of 2009, it was an incredible year of learning and also finding myself. You can call it soul searching. It's not all fun and games for me. I had a really tough time figuring out my life and what I, as an individual, would like to do. I did many odd jobs and spent a lot of time thinking of my future and goals. To say that I have had that all figured out is a lie. I honestly am still in the dark about my future and I guess I'll never fully know it. Only God can decide on how my life will become.

I did go through and i think I'll always go through this. The feeling of being alone. I think everyone goes through that often but I have learned that people aren't everything. What makes You you is what you do. So the next time you feel left out, screw it, life goes on :)

Although I had my freedom to do the things I want, somethings felt forced and unnatural. I accepted them. I did though, meet new and old friends and I'm grateful to God for that. But that doesn't mean that things went easier for me. I faced many "life" problems alone. I just don't think that anyone is in the same state as I'm in, and probably no one was able to help. That's fine though, I guess everyone does go through their own problems alone.

To sum up 2009 is pretty simple for me, I realized that:

I am capable to do things that might seem unapproachable or too much to handle.

I am perfectly fine being by myself.

I am the only obstacle in my life.

I can do all things through Christ that strenghtens me.

Do something...

2010, Making It Mine...

2010-01-09T22:52:00.002+08:00

The start of a new decade, seems pretty surreal to me, and yet somehow nothing seems different. I guess a new year doesn't make the difference, it's what YOU do that makes things new. I want to achieve so much more this year, and in the years that follows. I know it's easier said than done, but just wait and see... I do want to own my life, not giving in to the "things" that surround me or what others tell me to do. That's not living to me, achieving what YOU want is living life. So that's what I plan to do this year, to be out of the ordinary and be ME. :)

Do something, Keep looking :)

OhMyGosh... 2009 is at It's End!

2009-12-23T19:57:00.002+08:00

It's really amazing and frightening how the year can just pass so fast. It'll be Christmas Eve tomorrow and pretty soon, New Year's Day will come... So, what have I been doing lately? December has been pretty productive. The days just go by so quick.

I haven't been blogging, so I'll just update the site with happenings in my life :)

I've been good this December, getting my time fully used, not bumming (much) and well, I've been spending lots of my hours out with friends. I love it when I get to just relax and enjoy myself with the company of my peers.

I recently attended my youth church's camp, Elevate '09. What an incredible camp. Guest speaker Pr. Julie from Glad Tidings was an amazing, passionate and enthusiastic speaker. I can't remember the last camp that I attended that had a really interesting and faith challenging preacher. I truly feel that XYZ has been elevated to a whole new different level. PTL!!

I thank God for great people in my life. I am inspired and encouraged by each of you guys. 2009 is truly a year of change for me. I never really expected to find good friends but I was wrong. I enjoyed the crazy fun times we had together. And I know that 2010 will be another level greater than this year :)

Thanks guys for the awesome moments... sleepover was awesome btw. What am I talking about? Well, a couple of us went over to hauyon's house for a sleepover :) (steph, lyn, vonn, zhiwei, ivan, san and boonkeat) I think that the time spent together was just super fun, watching movies, playing taboo and just hanging around the awesome 'resort' :) Let's do it again!

And, the biggest update of all! I am finally a college student! Booya! I know most will be saying "Finally!" but it's been a good gap year okay. I am really going to miss all the free time I had. :( But, it is time for me to carry on with my life and begin a new chapter. I am nervous as to how I'll adapt to college life, but by God's grace, I know I can do it :) Fighting! :) Anyway, enrolling was just part A of the process. Since I am not an Arts student, I am required to take an entrance exam or some sort to see my 'potential'? Haha, nah, apparently they would just want to see my progress at the end of the day :s But I am super scared as to what will happen, as some may know, drawing/sketching is far from my forte. Crap! Anyway, "God! Please help me!!" :)

Keep looking :)

No, I'm Not Dead,... Yet.

2009-11-21T11:39:00.002+08:00

What in the world? Honestly how can someone be so insensitive as to just do something with such a cold manner, without even being a bit apologetic or sympathetic. I mean, there's always another way to tell me something.

Okay, what the heck is this guy ranting about? This was what happened...

I've been feeling like shit the whole week at work, at home, in my thoughts... It's just not a good week. It's nothing huge or anything, it's just that things aren't just going easy. Work has been bothering me mostly. I've gotten less shift hours than when I first started working and it's really a bummer when you actually want to work but don't get the opportunity and the shifts, what's worse is that I could really use the money. So it's all good when I found out that I'll be working only for 25 hours for the week, I thought it a good thing cause the shifts were all middle shifts and at a really perfect timing. But work hasn't been as fun or exciting, instead I feel like I have just been the target of everyone working there to be isolated by. I feel distant towards my colleagues and feel as though as I have just killed someone and they are criticising me in their thoughts. i know that's not the case but I just don't feel included in their conversations and it's as if I were in a different dimension as them. So, to add to the misery and negative thoughts I have, my supervisor text me on Thursday morning, just a couple of hours before my shift was to start, informing me that I don't have to work on that day and the next. I was stunned for a second, going through my head was, "Can they do that?". Maybe I'm just getting ahead of myself, but I don't like the way they inform things. I bet they don't do this to the other older partners. so is it just the fact that I'm new? Or that they really don't give a rats ass about me? Shit, so I'm a failure? I don't thing I've done anything wrong to receive this kind of civility. I just pray and hope for things to get better, I don't know how long I can last being caught in the middle of unfair bias-ness.

Tired...

2009-11-10T12:24:00.003+08:00

I'm getting real lazy these days. I don't if it's the weather or that I'm not sleeping well. But either way, I get up feeling sleepy and the whole day I'll naturally be zoning out. It could be the night shifts at work, who knows. I guess my sleeping time and habit has been altered.

Last night at work, I was literally shaking. My hands couldn't stay still and I feel not there mentally. It's as if I can't focus, everything was done automatically and I had to force myself to snap out of it. Shot down a double tall toffee nut latte and prayed for the better. What better cure than a dose of coffee and sugar to get you pumped, eh?

I'm still exhausted from last nights shift. I'm still new with the cleaning tasks for the closing shift at work. I can't seem to get things done quickly. To add to my slowness, I was working with another new partner, she came in after I did, so I guess I should know more stuff compared to her. Working the closing shift with two new partners, my manager must have stressed a little, thankfully all went well, I hope, and we managed to finish our duties not too late, but I had to help her out a lot. As if I don't have enough on my plate already, I literally was doing two tasks at a time. Hectic, but that's the job for the closing shift. Learning to multitask is always a challenge, but it is a challenge I must face and overcome. I feel suffocated sometimes, I can't seem to find myself at peace, whether at work, at home or even when with my friends. I'm still protective over myself...

Keep looking :)

Equations Of Life

2009-11-08T00:35:00.002+08:00

How does one and one become two? If only all things were so simple as to just being the way it is. Complications arise out of actions that people make and sometimes I feel caught in the lies of my own thoughts. If only life were more obvious and less twisted.

I keep thinking about my life more often nowadays, and reminiscing the past. Nah, I'm not being nostalgic or any sort. Just more of assessing my time spent over the past 10 months. I can't seem to find a sense of real happiness or satisfaction in my life over the past year. I know that I have gained a lot of knowledge and abilities, and I have definitely known myself a whole lot better. But thinking through, is it enough? I don't want to keep feeling like there's this 'thing' in me that is trapped. I don't want to keep hiding, but fear is conquering me. I'm really beyond stressing myself with my 'deep' thoughts sometimes.

And not that it's related but work has been getting on my nerves sometimes. It's tough to hold a job, no matter how 'fun' and 'easy' it is. It sucks when you have to do routine stuff and feel bored to death in the store. I ain't complaining but it's just not as easy as it seems. I try my best to do well, I really do, but it's sometimes not enough. I find it hard sometimes to get use to things and fitting in to the environment isn't a breeze. I'm still learning, and have a long way more to go to becoming a good barista. :)

Smile more, and stay happy... Those are my encouragements to myself. Doesn't hurt to be praised every now and then. The feeling of appreciation goes a long way, doesn't make you feel used. I thank God that on Tuesday, during the launch of the Christmas promo in Starbucks, all went well. I did my manager proud by being knowledgeable to the products in front of the district manager :) You know the feeling when you are able to make someone happy and proud. I love that feeling, it's as if "Finally I did something! Something right..." it's just an awesome moment for me, and I'm proud of myself... I wanna be that guy that people see and know that he can do great things, that can be counted on and is useful, I want to be appreciated for the things I've done or for the effort I've put in to something :) What am I saying, I'm sure that's what everyone hopes to achieve... Right?

Keep looking :)

Some Things Just Aren't Right...

2009-10-31T10:47:00.003+08:00

Going on and on and on about what my life can offer is really tense. I can't seem to find what is the right thing to do most of the time. Is it right if you aren't happy with what you are suppose to do? I want to be happy, who doesn't, but at what cost really? Now, I think I'm playing it safe most of the time, but somehow it's not really satisfying to just not let go and be truly real. A taste of real life is what I need.

Good part of things are, that I hardly have the laptop at home anymore. So I haven't been bumming in front of the screen. Although I have not accomplish my goal of cleaning my room and redecorating/refurnishing it. I should get to that. This week was a good rest period for me, working only three days and having the few days off... That's really great, cause I got to sleep in and laze around most of the time :)

On another note, I got paid yesterday!! Suddenly the numbers in my account doesn't seem so depressing :) I'm having the urge to spend T.T But self control... I shall only get the necessities :) Cramming it down to a pair of shoes (converse) , a pair of pants/jeans and a pair of shorts. If you're thinking that I have a lot of $$, think again... I don't and that's my list till the end of the year... Ok maybe I'll add in a couple of t-shirts :)

Well hopefully things will get better and I will be a whole lot more active doing something, instead of just bumming and lazing around...

Keep looking :)

Bored Outta My Socks...

2009-10-14T13:55:00.002+08:00

OMG!!! How can life be so meaningless? T_T I think I'm going crazy with the emptiness of my life. So uninspiring, so unproductive... I'm not doing anything significant and most of the day I just sit around with crazy bored thoughts in my head. Why lar? Hmm... Well, I really need some activity in my days. I mean, it's not going to be forever that time is on my side. Right now, work is cool, I'm not being held up and it isn't taking up my time. But it's not fun when you get all this free time and just end up bumming around like some loser that has no life. T_T Help! I need some excitement, I need to do something! Soon!

Goal #1 : Get ass out of chair, away from the comp and out of the house.

Goal #2 : Get a life...

p/s: I'm loving free Starbucks Coffee everyday :)

Keep looking :)

Here We Go Again...

2009-10-03T11:53:00.003+08:00

Ah, another weekend is here... I've been bumming around the house for the last 2 days, what a way to spend my first few days of the new month huh? Well, I can't say that I've fully hated the lazing around, but sitting at home the whole day is pretty tiring and it gets old. But of course I didn't just sit around not doing a single thing... I've been watching back-to-back episodes of the super awesome Coffee Prince :)

Yea, it's Korean drama, but hey, it's really entertaining. :) Ok, so by now you should know that I watch chick flicks a lot huh? But, who cares ;)

Life's been pretty good, but there are certain worries in my mind that I sometimes can't shake off. I mean, college recently has been on my mind, that and my future. And many other things, that just makes me really anxious and confused. Rolling around bed at night and having my thoughts running so freely is pretty tiring. And to make things worst, it's yet again another Saturday... That means another day spent in church with a group of overly energetic, stubborn & restless 13 year old's... I don't get it, why is it so hard for me to just call a quits? Why must the weighing of pros and cons be so tedious and detailed? Can't I just not do something because I've lost interest and heart? I'm suffering, don't you know? But then again, what matters...

Ahh, two days and I miss work already. Haha, not that work is super awesomely fun, just that I feel at ease there and I occupy my thought with something other than my life and future. It's hard feeling alone at times, I mean, everyone does go through different things in their life, but I just feel like the situations I get myself into are really a bother. Aish, life does get pretty annoying sometimes eh? :)

Keep looking :)

Seen & Heard...

2009-09-28T21:07:00.006+08:00

18.09.09

Just having fun with friends can get really awesome, especially with these bunch of people! Our usual Friday-get-together helps us bond. Well, friends can make you happy or relieve you from stress and boredom, but I think being able to communicate and share almost anything that's in your life and mind is above special. These guys are just the best when it comes to friendship. Not everyone can be reliable and a great group to talk to.

19.09.09

XYZ Leaders' Retreat! @ Kuala Rompin...

Beach side, with a relaxing scenery and refreshing breeze... An escape haven...

26.09.09

I've been working @ Starbucks! It's a part-time job and it's great working there. Well, the hours are real flexible and I learned a whole lot about coffee. Making them to tasting them, knowing the difference in aroma and taste between the different blends. It's definitely an experience that's worth it.

I am really enjoying the work atmosphere and my fellow partners (my colleagues). An interesting bunch of people, friendly, kind, helpful and very genuine. Of course I do get picked on sometimes, I guess it's because I'm the youngest and the new guy but it's all in the fun of it. It's never tiring being at work, just that for me, I get stressed out learning how to work the register, taking orders and making the beverages. But work ain't a breeze and learning is never a walk through the park. I'm just glad i have something to do everyday :)

Keep looking :)

Over The Past One Month

2009-09-13T09:57:00.011+08:00

It's amazing how time passes so fast... I can't believe that it's already mid September! Anyway, a lot has been happening and awesome stuff had been done!

29.08.2009

The car crash incident...
On the way to youth, my sis accidentally crashed into a motorcycle while making an illegal U-turn... Door was dented bad and the driver's side window was completely shattered... Thank God no one was injured.

Now I think I'm quite afraid of motorcyclist, especially when they come near your car...

02.09.2009

My mission trip team's thanksgiving dinner @ Carnaval, DJ. Sorry that there aren't any pictures... But the place is awesome... Serving you meat non-stop, nothing can top that. Food is great and the price is reasonable. Meat-lovers must-go-place. :)

06.09.2009

Movie and walking around the night market in TTDI :) Great fun on a Sunday, with Choonyee and Eilyn.

rojak :)

Super amazing food there, in conjunction with the "buka puasa" the food sold there are even more delicious...

samosas...

Eilyn went: What are those? I replied: Samosas... Eilyn: Ooo... What's that? A Famosa's brother ar? Choon and I: T_T

11.09.2009

Gym+Movie+Cookies+Sampat-ing+Cg= AWESOME FUN!!!

Friday morning, the day started out with an intense workout at the church gym for Zhiwei, Deb, Waisan and myself.

We then had lunch and headed straight to 1U for a movie! Gamer was a very smart plotted film. I honestly don't know why some fella hated the show so much... But for me, it was a realisation on human character. The writer sure did express the sickness and cruelty of a human thought and perverseness. As disgusting and wrong some parts of the film were, overall it is an amazing movie, entertaining and good play.

After the movie, we went to Steph's house, where they were baking cookies for us. Hauyon, Vonn and Choonyee were there too... Talking and just spending time together was real good. I couldn't ask for a better Friday. I think I had way too many cookies, I literally felt like puking after consuming like 7 cookies, but I managed to control myself :) We moved our 'session' to the playground opposite. We as usual made fools of ourselves... but who's judging... It was all in the fun of it :)

steph
choonyee
hauyon
waisan
zhiwei
vonn

Then, Zhiwei and I headed to our youth pastor's house for Cg. A great session on the next generation, how we are to rise up and lead the next generation. I was inspired by the video session of City Harvest Church during their Emerge Conference. How they grew in numbers. One part of it that really impacted me was when one of their cg leader in their youth group shared about how they reached out to their members and saw growth in their cg. And all they did was care and spent time with their members. I was amazed at what such little things can do to impact people. I definitely learned a lot, hopefully a time will com where my cg will be impacted as well...

Keep looking :)

Go Genting!

2009-09-07T14:23:00.008+08:00

28.08.2009

An incredible trip of fun-filled excitement. GENTING!! After many many years of missing out in the great thrills and fun of Genting theme park, I finally went there! And with this bunch of happening people!

Clockwise: (bottom left) Deb, Zhiwei, me, ShuJian, Steph and Eilyn..

It was really cold, and chilly. And smart me, before entering the theme park, we had Starbucks. And guess who ordered a Blended Dark Mocha... :) But it was really good, the coffee that is... not the cold :)

Lucky for us there wasn't much a crowd in the theme park. So we got to sit rides without a long que, and many many times... My friends went on the Space Shot like 7 times. I only went on twice. Okay, I ain't no thrill seeker and was actually scared shit just thinking about riding it. At last of course I went for it, and it's super awesome!

We also sat the Corkscrew, the one that goes around and you end up upside down, still awesome though... We sat that like 3 times. The other rides weren't as happening as these two though. But I think the freakiest ride for me was the really tame-looking swing. You know the one that goes round and round with you in the swing?

Of course, we also went for a little less life-threatening rides...

As most fun trips goes, an end has to happen. But fear not! For it can always happen again! Looking forward to more fun with you guys!

thanks Steph for the awesome shots...

Keep looking :)

Experiencing Cambodia

2009-09-06T21:50:00.009+08:00

Overdue, I know. But here are some pics from my recent trip to Cambodia.

First up, meet the team. The ten of us made one good team, different in many ways yet vital and none unimportant. We had fun with each other and I think laughed more than ever...

From left to right: (top)Ian, Daryll and Robin; (bottom)PeiWern, Sarah, Esther, Zhiwei, Purdy, Jon and myself.

Cambodia is just beautiful. Our outreach was out of Phnom Penh (capital of Cambodia), in a village called Baray. Most of the villagers are either farmers or fishermen.

Among the things we did there were, village outreach, children's ministry, preaching, teaching and a youth camp.

Playing games and having fun with the kids was awesome, seeing joy in them really brings joy to you.

youth camp
one of the sketches we did
we even had a bonfire night

Of course we had lots of fun too, food I must add is really delicious. I think we were really blessed by our caretakers there. It was pure joy to see food served to us in really large portions. In town we had our chance to try on some delicacies, spiders, crickets, they have it all. Fried till crisp, that's how they eat it.

this is me eating a cricket...

The fun never ends with us. All in all, it was an experience that I'll never forget. I had fun and learned a lot. I now know that your limit to do something is as high as you want it to be. You make the difference n your life, and I am very blessed by the people of Cambodia.

Keep looking :)

Simply delicious....

2009-08-21T11:37:00.003+08:00

It's been exactly one week that I've been back from Cambodia. And I've been loving every waking moment of it. Hanging out with friends, surfing the net via neighbours wifi, eating and going to the gym. Life's been keeping me busy... I can't really explain much about my mission trip, so i'll just photo blog it once I get the pics.

Let's see, I noticed that I've been having a lot of pastas and pizzas since I got back. Sunday dinner, wednesday lunch, thursday lunch and thursday dinner... Too much? Nah, it's delicious... Food can't be bad for you, not italian anyway. But truth be told, eating has been a way of life for me. I can splurge a whole days worth of salary on just one meal. But I don't... I just eat according to my liking :)

taken on wed 19.8.2009

Free and faster internet connection! What more is better than free connection? Well, life at home ain't so boring once you get a companion like the internet. Downloading songs via youtube ain't so bad too... Ooh rite, I got a new phone fyi! Yups, nothig big or fancy, it's actually second hand-one year old... N95!

Keep looking :)

I Don't Like YOU!

2009-07-30T14:07:00.002+08:00

Notice how sometimes you just get sucked in to doing something so damaging to yourself? What am I talking about? FOOD! It honestly is a sin... Care to agree? Anyway, food is and very tempting, especially the unhealthy ones. It's so frustrating to actually think about food, my body is weak, I'm sorry and everytime I see fries or chips or cookies or Coke I can just kill myself. All that exercise just went down the drain. As I'm typing now, I'm actually chewing down delicious-unhealthy 'pisang goreng'... Stupid banana that tastes so awesome -.-

I think I honestly generally just don't have strong self-control. I mean I actually do give in to things rather easily. Even something like food gets the better of me. Now, I feel like I've gain way a lot of weight, thanks to junk and fast food... I need a healthier lifestyle/eating habit... So, Goodbye fried food and oily snacks, Hello veggies and fruits :)

Keep looking :)

Another Day In The Office

2009-07-22T14:05:00.003+08:00

Was there an eclipse or some sort this morning? I heard about it on the radio and was puzzled. Apparently this was going to be huge... Anyway I got into the office and found out it happened at 8am (somewhere that time) and well, I was already awake then, so I guess nothing big happened... I'm 'stuck' in work again... I don't know but I'm starting to get bored and sick of working here. Somehow I just can't do on thing for too long, the excitement just disappears... Anyhow, I'm stopping real soon, like in 11days (including weekends). Then it'll be me and the team heading off for missions... (I feel like sneezing but can't, ever gotten the feeling where your nose is so irritated that you can just sneeze but then it just holds back and then your eyes start getting watery and you get annoyed? That just happened to me...)

Anyway, today is a new day, I'll be heading to gym tonight... Last night though, I helped one
of my church friend, Choonyee to move house. She rented another room after getting 'kicked out' of her previous room. So, another friend of ours, Deb, and I helped carry choonyee's luggage and drove her from BU2 to TTDI. :) Well, her new place seems alright and the auntie landlady there seems very nice. Yups, well it's always good to be somewhere that's almost like home when away from home.

Keep looking :)

Jalan Jalan, Drive, Eat, Talk Talk, Sleep...

2009-07-19T12:52:00.003+08:00

It was that day again... Saturday... Well, life seems so much more interesting these days. Not because it's fun or anything, but time just gets occupied more for me... Okay, maybe there was a little fun involved. Last night the most terrible thing happened. I was taking a shower after getting back at night (actually you can say morning, got back at 1a.m. :D). Anyway, half way showering, the water pressure was so weak that no water came out of the shower head. I was like so annoyed cause it was late and I wanted to sleep. I can't just walk out, I was already covered in soap... So I opt for the sink... Yes, I had to cup my hands to collect the very little water that was coming out and splash (more like sprinkle) it on my body to get rid of the soap. I ended up cleaning myself and finally got to bed.

Rewind back a few hours... Throughout the week, my friends and I were all planning some dinner outing thingy... It was the girls tradition of some sleepover or some sort. Anyway, we (Vonn, Deb, Choonyee, Shujian, Eilyn, Waisan, Hauyon, Steph, Jeremyloh, Boonkeat and myself) headed over to IKEA after church to makan! It was fun to just go out as a group, compared to my usual 3-4 people hangouts (not that I don't appreciate it or hate it) but it's different when there are more people around. The more the merrier, no? So that was dinner. After eating and stuffing ourselves with Swedish meatballs and fries we went walking around Ikano. Then we had to leave, cause the girls had their sleepover thing. Some had to go back to get stuff and others needed to just go home to sleep. So we split, two drivers, two split-ed groups. :) I had my passengers (vonn, waisan, eilyn and deb) we were suppose to buy junk for later (oh, hauyon, jeremy and I crashed their sleepover, no we didn't sleepover). So yea, the five of us wanted to buy Steph something for her b'day so they decided to get Famous Amos cookies... At the store we saw the staff scooping them into a big plastic bag, they were about to throw them away! Such a waste, we tried to ask him to give them to us and of course he didn't lar... Company policy, so yea, but it was a super sampat moment, I feel bad for the worker. xD So yea, we manage to get the guy to give us a few extra grams. So I guess we were satisfied. After that, we headed to Vonn's, but before that dropped Eilyn and Waisan at Eilyn's. At Vonn's we had a nice real talk about life and somehow ended up talking bout our leadership crisis in youth... But yeah, I think some of the others were lost... But it was nonetheless fun to just talk openly about stuff...

And that is why and/or how I got back home late... Unexpected turns comes by every now and then, it doesn't mean we have to panic when it happens. Just take it step by step, take your time to figure things out and enjoy the moment, cause you're only there once...

Keep looking :)

Shout!

2009-07-18T11:59:00.005+08:00

Pretty bummer for me last night. Sat home alone, doing absolutely nothing. So it was because no one was free to accompany me, or to fill my time. Never mind though, I still have my ever trusting best friend of my life, my TV :D (no that doesn't make me a sad sad person k...). Anyway, I was kinda anticipating the much talked about awards show, and voila! I was able to do so. :)

It was the Shout Awards '09, the very first local awards show that tributes to the local entertainment industry. What I find awesome is how far Malaysia has come. I honestly didn't expect a whole lot from an event like this, but having to watch it live on the tele was pretty spectacular. Alright, I confess that I don't tune in to our local acts/bands, and honestly have never heard of some bands. But that doesn't mean they aren't good. I do feel that sometimes we undermine local acts just because they aren't internationally recognized, but some of these bands actually have good sounds... (if you're into the whole indie, alternate rock genre that is...) but truth be told, I think they just lack support. Personally, bands like Estranged and Bunkface have what it takes to go far... Keep rocking and finding the heart of music...

Keep looking :)

When In Japan... (Part 3)

2009-07-15T10:31:00.022+08:00

Day 3 ~

Starting the day off with a good delicious breakfast...

On our way to Hakone... (Mt. Fuji), it took us around 3 hours to get there... This was where we stopped for toilet :D

On the way out, we passed the military... (random shots) :)

We finally arrived, and it was time for lunch!

After lunch, we visited the Sulfur Volcanoes... (the unpleasant smell didn't keep us there for long...

Next, we went to another temple... This one is famous for their huge bell, and a smaller one... (apparently you ring the small one for peace) but we were warn not to ring the big one, it calls all the monks out... :D

Then we headed to a garden uniquely filled with lavenders... and of course other flowers too...

Mt. Fuji, we finally arrived...

View from the view of Mt. Fuji... It was very misty and I couldn't get a clear shot of Mt. Fuji, that and my camera is not that awesome... But... The view from the view of Mt. Fuji is just as cool... ;)

After a long and winding day of traveling around, we retreated to our hotel...

It has a very typical Japanese tradition home feel... Serviced with a hot spring spa and yakata are provided... Keeping to the culture, we wore it during our dinner... :)

End of Day 3...

Day 4 ~

Traveling, yet again... Today, to Tokyo!

First stop in Tokyo... Asakusa...

yes it rains a lot, but it's no excuse to stop shopping... ;)

Walking around works you an appetite... Luckily, food there just satisfy your needs... :D

Ginza 8th Street - high end shopping street...

What's up Harajuku... Land of lala-ness...

At night, we headed off to Shinjuku, the dark and dangerous street (or so they say). Yes, it is the red area of Tokyo, where gambling, drugs, alcohol and sex is the main attraction... But there are other things obtainable too, if you're into shopping and gadgets that is...

Finally we reached our hotel... At last rest is an option...

But seeing that we only are in Japan once, we decided to roam the streets...

There isn't much, well it was pretty late (in Japan)...

Day 5 ~

Tokyo Disneyland!!

Fun-filled games and beautiful landscape... It's really a fairytale, storybook come to life...

and then there's the parade... all characters align to give you a magical show... :)

Well, all that happiness sure makes you beat... After an amazing day in Disneyland, the wonderful BBQ-style buffet dinner was served... After driving for about 20 minutes to the restaurant we finally enjoyed our last supper...

Well, Japan has been great fun, everything and everyone was just perfect. Being in a country far away from home doesn't bother me much. Of course there's the language barrier, but the service you get there is incomparable to anywhere... It doesn't hurt either to be in a country so developed and modern and clean too... ;) All in all, this was a vacation worth a lifetime...

That's the end of my Japan experience, hopefully, one day, I'll be able to re-visit that beautiful country again...

(more photos can be seen in my facebook profile)

Keep looking :)

When In Japan... (Part 2)

2009-07-14T17:11:00.005+08:00

Day 2 ~
The journey gets tiring at times, but the view of the city is not that bad...

Buildings are just so amazingly designed...

We reached to our destination... Day 2 was mostly visits to great temples...

That afternoon, we had the chance to ride on the bullet train... We traveled for about 2 hours to get to the station. We only took one station, which only lasted for about 13 minutes, but it was an awesome feeling...

We reached the place where our hotel was, the city was famous for their music and electronics... Everywhere you'll see stores selling gadgets that cost way less than what we have back home.

You can't complain much about the night lights. All I can say is, you have to see it to believe it...

Keep looking :)

When In Japan... (Part 1)

2009-07-12T23:01:00.009+08:00

Day 1 ~

Arrival to Kansai Airport, Osaka.

First stop - Universal Studios, pretty awesome sightings...

Next, its off to the city streets of Osaka, to roam for food... Nah, dinner was arranged...

Shabu shabu!!

After dinner, we went walking the never end streets of Osaka shopping area... The street goes on forever...

That's Day 1...

Keep looking :)

Back From Nippon!!

2009-07-07T15:06:00.002+08:00

Konichiwa!! So Japan.... It was AWESOME! What more can I say, having the opportunity to escape work and just relax and have a good holiday. Well that was a sure good one week I had. I don't think words can ever show my gratitude to my two aunties who sponsored my trip. :D It is even more awesome that I didn't have to pay a single cent for this amazing vacation. Anyway, Pictures will be posted up real soon, I promise. For now, it's back to work and real life. :)

Arigato-gozaimasu...
Keep looking :)

Just Having Fun

2009-06-24T12:10:00.003+08:00

Tired and delusional... That was how how I felt waking up this morning. I literally felt as though I just woke up in the middle of the night. Even though I had at least 7hours of sleep, I still didn't want to get out of bed. Unfortunately for me, sleeping in is not an option for now. Work work work... Sigh, apparently that's my daily routine for now.

Yesterday was the awesome-est day I have had for a really long time. After work I went to the gym with Choonyee, Eilyn and Waisan. So it was that we just did crazy insane stuff that made us laugh and laugh till we got cramps. Maybe it was the air, but the four of us had a blast working out, taking pictures and fooling around. Later we were joined by Shujian, we were heading to Steph's house after gym. steph just got back from YWAM, Australia...

Anyway, we all had fun catching up and doing silly stuff, in the gym, in the car, on the way to steph's house and probably everywhere in between. It was a really fun night.

All the laughter from last night must have exhausted me today. Hopefully I will make it through the day. On another note, Transformers is a no go for me... Sadly my friends changed the timing, and I can't make it in afternoons... Crap job. But I shall not complain much as I'll be heading to Japan!, Sunday night! Really am looking forward to this trip/tour... Hopefully it will be fun.

Keep looking :)

Gives You Hell

2009-06-16T14:34:00.003+08:00

"I wake up every evening,

with a big smile on my face,...

truth be told I miss you,

truth be told I'm lying..."

I keep telling myself everything is ok, everything will be alright. Who am I kidding, I am lost in a world of the unknown and have no clue what to do or what my next move in life is. It's one thing to hide your feelings, but to lie to your own self is beyond messed up. The one thing you owe to your self is your honesty. I know that what ever happens, I will always have myself. I know it sounds weird but it does help. Telling yourself that it will work out and seeing things as it really is, that is what I have been doing, and truth be told, it does make life so much easier. I mean, lying to people is hard enough, but to have to lie to yourself too? That is just too much, life is to short to live in misery.

Last night, watching Fighting with my close friends was awesome. The show was alright, but getting to catch up with people I have not seen/met up for almost 3 months was really what I needed. I guess I can say that we have all moved on, and grew up. But some things will just stay the same. I need people like this in my life, someone I can count on and just have a good time to talk with. Unfortunately not all things always have a happy ending, the movie lasted from 9.25pm to 11.15pm. I only reached home about midnight. God, was I beat when I reached home. I really was exhausted to the last drop of energy, I crashed and when I awoke, it was 7am. I feel really agitated now in work, and I hate feeling tired when in an environment that is just so stressing in itself. Ok. so maybe the office is not as terrible, but when you're new and holding a temp. job, you need to just show that you're at your best, and I guess up your game. But that's not the case for today... I'm sleepy, sad, annoyed and just need rest.

I got a text message from Venuga this morning, a friend of mine from sec school, asking if I want to go for a movie with my prev prefect board. That will be amazing, as some of them are leaving to further their studies overseas, but the downside is, it will be a midnight movie, or at least a late night movie... God kill me now!! Should I go? Should I not go? !!! Did I forget to mention it's Transformers: the Revenge of the Fallen? :D We'll see...

Keep looking :)

Under My Skin

2009-06-16T13:57:00.004+08:00

There's this feeling in me that is not recognizable. I feel annoyed and agitated. I can't seem to calm down and I get frustrated over everything. I feel inferior and vulnerable, I keep thinking the worst of things and that people secretly hate me. I can't seem to be at peace or feel happy. I think it's hard being invisible and unnoticed. I can't put on a mask to hide my true feelings, it just doesn't work anymore... I am afraid of being alone or ridiculed and can't seem to run away. I want out of this life. I want to get away, escape from this tension and pressure. I want to be set free, to feel a life that's worth living for, I don't want the thoughts of hurting myself or other people running through my head over and over again every night and I hate to ever again cry myself to sleep. I don't want to have to look back at my life and find that there was nothing accomplished, to look back and see a life I don't recognize. I don't want to have regrets or have this guilt feeling anymore. I want to feel clean and pure. I want to come out free and not having to withhold anything back. I do lie all the time, on my feelings, on what I'm going through and about the things I do, it's only cause I put my guards up very high. Is it wrong to not reveal myself? I don't, can't have anyone knowing the things that are happening or running through in my head. It's tiring to have this feelings and burden set on me as it is, I don't want to have people talking stuff about me or judging me. I know can't save myself, I can't get out of this supposed life I have. I want to be renewed, please just let me be me, to be who I want to be, to do what I want to do. So forgive me if I sometimes cross the line, I'm just trying to find the real me again. In order to get this uncomfortable feeling away, I need to do this...

Feeling Good

2009-06-13T08:58:00.003+08:00

"Birds flying high, You know how I feel,
Sun in the sky, You know how I feel,
Reeds driftin' on by, You know how I feel,
It's a new dawn, It's a new day,
It's a new life, For me,
And I'm feeling good..."

Awesomeness doesn't happen naturally, so to say that my life is awesome is probably not right. I'm not kidding when I say that I don't exactly have a good friend character. I'm probably the worse friend you can have. But not necessarily someone you can't hang out with. I know I have the tendency to be controlling and maybe sometime demanding but all these years, somehow when needed, people still stick around me. I try to not give up friendships that have been made over the years, but it's not easy to stay in contact or meet up, given the varied situation everyone is in. Nowadays everyone is so caught up with their own lives and too busy to be able to meet up. I'm not complaining, well, a little, but I guess it's different for me since I am not studying yet. But I am working hard to keep the friendships I have alive.

Every now and then I randomly contact people via facebook mostly, and it's getting pretty awesome to just send messages to some people you haven't seen in months or years. I realize how different some people are now and well, I guess growing up does that to you.

Last night, after work I went out with a couple of friends for a movie. It was I guess fun for me, considering how lifeless I feel now working. Like they say, all work and no play makes one dull. Forgetting everything and unwind... That has got to be the best thing to do...

Stay Alive.

Keep looking :)

Hate (I Really Don't Like You)

2009-06-11T15:46:00.003+08:00

"Hate is a strong word, but I really really don't like you..."

Notice how some things just never leaves you alone? How bad memories and experiences just comes back to haunt u? I don't like feeling afraid of the past and I don't like the bittersweet experiences I have had.

Nowadays, I have these flashback memories of the past. And it sucks that what I had back then was so free and fun. I did enjoy my life last year, eventhough I had studies and exams. Now, it seems as though everyone is moving on with their lives and I am just stuck in the middle. I can't seem to get over the fact that I can't exactly have the kind of relationship I had with my friends back in high school, and well, I don't exactly hang out with the people at work. It ain't fair how things like college and work can interfere with bonds and friendship made. But it doesn't have to be that way I guess, I'll need to work harder to reconnect back with the friends I had...

I can't seem to shake the thoughts of self-worthlessness off of me. I keep going back and forth trying to convince myself that alright and that I don't have to conform with the norm. I don't know if what I do most of the time is right or wrong, I keep telling myself that I have to do this or it's just the way it has to be. Decisions are often hard but their harder when you have no foundation or facts on the positve results. Life ain't easy, and we all know that, but it's only when you're faced directly at its challenge that you see the real difficulty... !!! I need help to move on!!

Work has recently gotten really boring and busy. I don't like the office hours at all, screw getting used to it. Honestly, I find deskjobs the worst. I know I shouldn't complain or can't but it's just so frustrating to just work. That's why I'm feeling the weekday blues very often... I guess I'll just have to suck it up and stop whining...

Keep looking :)

So Yesterday

2009-06-09T11:51:00.006+08:00

"Laugh it off let it go and,

When you wake up it will seem,

So yesterday, so yesterday...

Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay"

I guess ones life can never be perfect and I've come to realize that mine is so far from that. I know now that expectations are always there, I mean everyone expects something, whether directly or indirectly. I don't know how to handle stress the right way and maybe there isn't one, but knowing that I don't have to worry about being Mr. Perfect is the best relief I have.

The other day I was frustrated with my life and who I was being lost into. I find myself really uncomfortable being surrounded I guess by people that just seem perfect and flawless, worry free and happy. I don't know what it is, but church has taken its toll on me. I don't find the joy in serving and definitely do not like the "peaceful" environment. I guess it only hit me now that what I've been uncomfortable about, not being care free and relaxed was an expectation that not others put on me, but what I have stressed myself over. No one ever asked for me to be a saint or some disciplined lifeless person, I did that all alone. And looking back, these unnecessary burden that I have put upon myself is just not sensible and for some reason, I have no idea why I did that. I know now that being myself is harmless, for now at least, and that I can be who I want to be and still serve and have fun. I don't how it will work out but it has to.

These couple of days has just been dreadful. I feel tired in the office, restless in bed, grumpy, dizzy, sleepy and just not focused. I don't why but I just have this hate and anger in me. I feel lost often of times and I just can't seem to find comfort. There's just something missing and I'm too tired to find out what it is.

I need some R&R, some adventure, something to get things of my head... I'm having plans to go on a vacation and I know this might be the worse timing, considering the economy stability or lack of and financial deficiency I'm facing but I think that it's going to be awesome for me to just jet off to see places and enjoy a little hassle of travelling. So first up for me will be an all expenses paid trip end of June or early July, by my aunt, to Japan! It will be some tour thing, but who's complaining... Next up, Mission trip to Cambodia early August, organized by the church and my youth. And lastly and hopefully, a relaxing trip of fun, food and sea and mountains to Sabah end of August. Ok so they are merely plans for now, nothing that is definite, except Cambodia. And who knows, more to come? If all things work, this will be one hell of a year for me...

Peace out,

Keep looking :)

Dead and Gone

2009-06-06T13:05:00.002+08:00

"I've been travelling on this road too long,
just trying to find my way back home,
the old me is dead and gone..."

How long more do I have to take this kind of unnecessary stupidity and stress. Am I to be labelled as a nice guy who everyone things is just happy all the time? Hello! Reality check... No one is that nice. No matter how I come off, no one things I have feelings. God, why is it that people just can't take me seriously? Do you think I don't give a damn about what people say or make me do? Honestly, I do, I just shut them out, and that's the thing, I feel like I am unable to express anger and frustration. And that is a very big problem I face. I just can't bottle up this pissing off of people in me anymore. I'm like a ticking active time bomb, that I feel can just explode in me anytime. So next time you think it's ok to just ignore peoples feelings, DON'T! You might just erupt whatever emotions that has been in them for years.

I can't stand Saturday's... But I guess I've mentioned it many times already. It's crazy how I am still letting myself be so naif to just think that things are just going to be alright. Cause I really HATE that I have to fake it to make it through my day. I can honestly tell you that I don't give a damn about church or my life in church or anything for that matter. Am I suppose to stand for this kind of crap that's being thrown at me? Sure I enjoy the people and the company I get, but I am just not cut out for this kind of shit. It's just not in me anymore to just pretend to be someone I'm not, to be something I look back to and not being able to recognize myself or entering into this lies so deep in that I can't remember who I am. I have to stand up for myself and hopefully can renew and find back my true identity.

Keep looking :)

My Life Would Suck Without You

2009-06-05T07:51:00.004+08:00

"Either way I found out, I'm nothing without you."

Having people around you is always good. I never really had the balance of me-time and time spent with friends. Either I am spending too much time out there or at home by myself. I guess I do keep to myself more often than necessary, it's not that it's wrong or bad, but I think it caused me to be a little social-deficient. I do have friends but somehow we just drift apart and for some reason lose that close friendship. I hate that there isn't anyone that I know for like 10 or more years, not a lot at least, and honestly there is no one that is close to me enough to just really talk without my walls up. I do have good friends and am thankful for their company, but is that enough? Why do I shove people away?

I have been hanging out with a few good friends and have been reconnecting with old ones. Even though it's hard, with their studies and all, but it's all worth the time. I know that I kinda hate their college life and my work hours, but some sacrifices are worth it.

This week, for me was a little above the average of my everyday life. I took leave on Wednesday to have a CG outing with my members, ok so I wasn't thrilled either, but it was something that needed to be done and truth be told, they did behave themselves. I don't know why or what changed, maybe it was the talk with my zone leader but it did make things a little better. Well, kids will always be kids. Hopefully this continues, otherwise, who knows how long more I can take staying with the CG.

To a clearer future and better friendship, do not miss any opportunity you have.

Keep looking :)

Wake Me Up From Misery.

2009-06-01T11:08:00.003+08:00

Someone just smack me in the head and wake me up from this nightmare I'm in. I just can't find a reason to continue on with my life where everything is either right or wrong. Choices, I feel as if I have lost all freedom to choose. Everything is either the right thing to do, or it's wrong and therefore I can't do it... What ever happen to options, why must things be so black and white, so two dimensional. I need to get away from my life, how and when is the only questions that remain. Am I being selfish? I just can't stand doing something I don't enjoy, and handling CG is just that, dreading to be in church each Saturday is rather a burden for me, and my attitude towards this is not something I like. I hate being put into this position. One way or another I am stuck in this for a long time... Save Our Souls, SOS. I need a break, to chill and relax, to think things through. Is it too much to ask for?!!

Weekends were as usual, the same kill-me-now thoughts in my head. On Saturday, I got up and well, was not exactly in the mood for anything, let alone church. I was suppose to meet my CG at 3pm. And believe me when I say, it was hell! I went through the decision to just stay home and not go over a million times. Finally, I made up my mind to give my members another chance. After being lectured, I guess, they had some improvements, they were not as notorious and did rather well, in the listening and participating part. This sometimes boggles my mind, why cant they be consistent. Every time I try to rage out or get a reason from them to quit, they give me a reason not to. I am utterly confused most of the time. I got home after youth though, not staying for celebration was my wise decision. I just didn't want to be around people, and well, I started getting a headache. I got home, watched TV and slept. At night, I got myself up and well, was kinda in the mood to go out. Went to Mcd's with some friends and just had some fun...

I love Sundays. It's my ultimate time of doing nothing. just me and myself. I spent the one yesterday watching DVD's. Back-to-back of Brothers and Sisters. Relaxing was what I wanted and I think I did feel relaxed the whole day.

Now here I am, back to reality, the nightmare that's happening in my life, working hours that I can't seem to get used to and a horrible case of negativity.

Keep looking :)

No Boundaries...

2009-05-27T11:35:00.003+08:00

Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever
Then you feel you’ve lost your way
What if your chances are already gone
I started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
To fight and never walk away
So hear I am still holding on

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breath its harder to believe
You’ll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing
When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand
And show you that you can
There are no boundaries

I fought to the end to stand on the edge
What if today is as good it gets
Don’t know where the future’s headed
Nothings gonna bring me down
I’ve jumped every bridge and I’ve run every line
I’ve risked being safe but I always knew why
I always knew why
So hear I am still holding on

You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
Break every rule cause
There’s nothing between you and your dreams

Nothing Seems Right, Right?

2009-05-25T10:38:00.005+08:00

I have no clue what to do anymore... I just want to escape away to place far far away... Can I just live a life free of hassle and troubles? I want to... Where do I go from here... Suggestions anyone?

The other night a couple of my friends and I went for the Music Central. The main feature was Tim Hughes... An awesome night I must admit, eventhough it was only like 4 of us, but the naght was spirit-filled and had a very amazing atmosphere.

this is a very bad picture... but the only one we took that night :D

People out there, please don't be so dead with life. Focusing on studies and work alone is not cool. You're only young once, live your life!! All I can say is balance.

Keep looking :)

A Grand Finale!

2009-05-22T15:26:00.003+08:00

It was the battle between two Idols, the hardcore rocker vs. the underdog of the competition... What else can I say, it was really an unexpected win for Kris Allen.

Ok, so it wasn't probably the best finale show but it was nonetheless entertaining. I loved the opening performance of So What by the top 13, awesome! And other performances like the one with Jason Mraz and especially the BEP... Overall it was a good finale, I think the highlight of the evening was when Adam and Kris performed We Are The Champions with Queen! So anyway, kudos to Kris for winning but I'm sure we'll be hearing a lot more of Adam Lambert!! Rock On Adam!

Anyway, I received this email which was circulated to everyone in the office earlier today subjected: minor office matter... These were the contents.

Dear Mr Liow and all,

I don't think we have any more toilet paper. We are down to our last 2 rows, one each in each toilet. Just to let you all know, in case you are stuck in a predicament during your 'big or small business'. ;o)

Mr Liow, Soh Kheng is not around, so I don't know who is responsible to replenish the office stock.

Thanks.

Shen

I just thought it was pretty hilarious... Anywho, It was a fun day. Had lunch with 2 of my colleagues, which for some reason are the ones I eat with most days. So yea,...

Keep looking :)

Calling For Help From Above...

2009-05-22T12:24:00.002+08:00

Guidance... Everyone needs a little help from people once in awhile. Talking about my personal life is not what I do best but sometimes it's necessary, I guess I just need time and the right person, with the right opportunity...

*gasp* every time Saturday comes I feel so unenthusiastic, my zeal and joy just evaporates into thin air. Why do I put myself into this trouble? Why am I even still stuck in this even when I think it's wrong? Can one actually serve God without wanting to or feeling it? I don't think this is my calling at all... I need a break, I need to figure things out...

To a lighter note, work has been, A-Okay... well apart from feeling like I've been through hell at the end of the day and waking up to it all over again the next morn. I do feel very restless once in awhile in the office and definitely am bored most of the time. I can't seem to get used to the environment and the office hours. Its complicated what I'm feeling now, in one hand I know that this job is very benefiting to me, but on the other, I feel very lifeless... How can this be? Bah! I need to enjoy my life, my youth... For now, I'm just persevering and keeping my patience.

Keep looking :)

Just Another Day

2009-05-20T10:19:00.002+08:00

Ok... So I haven't been blogging lately and well, my bad. It's just really not in me these days to just sit in front of the com and type myself away. Well since it's been awhile and most probably do not know me anymore, I have decided to fill you in with a little bit of whats happening in the life of Jared Ow.

To kick it off, I have been back from NS for almost 2 months now and I must say that I am SO glad to be finally back. Not that NS was terrible, it was in fact quite the opposite. For me, enjoying the company of new friends was what kept me sane. I naturally hated the classes they had there, it's as if being in high school wasn't enough. I generally did had an awesome experience, one where I learned to challenged myself, being constantly in the mind-over-matter battle.

Fast-forward two months, I am now currently working at law firm in Damansara Perdana. It isn't as amazing as it sounds but did get to learn a lot, on paperwork, filing, typing, organizing and also a little self discovery, like I will never be a lawyer ever and reminding me how I hated desk jobs. But it's not something I complaint. My colleagues are very helpful and nice, even the boss has the best interest in all of us. This is one reason that is keeping me busy.

Well, if you were just wondering, "isn't he suppose to be studying?", the answer is, not yet. I have not decided on what I would like to study and well honest not ready to. Why go right ahead to something you're going to do for the rest of your life. Inspiration 101, do something that is just out there... Your career can wait...

Keep looking:)

Nothing Is Sound

2009-01-27T08:58:00.004+08:00

Some things are just meant to be the way they are. So, NS... It's been a good 1 month so far. Nothing is making my life like crap yet. My account of NS? Well there isn't much to say about it. The place is kinda nice, livable that is, food is bad, and people there, real friendly. I can't say that I enjoy myself over there, but I can't say I hate it too. Generally, activities are boring. Classes everyday and they are not something you look forward to. Everyday is like the day before and it's so routine... Overall, it is not something that you will absolutely hate to be part of. An experience like no other is what I got.

Keep looking :)

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-25T14:32:00.002+08:00

Tis' the day of sharing and giving. Hope you will have a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...

Keep looking :)

Living My Life Freely

2008-12-24T09:49:00.008+08:00

No rules and no plans. Sounds like a great life right? For me, taking risks and being spontaneous just isn't me. It's the fear of looking ridicules that just stops me from being wild and carefree. But the feeling when you do something so crazy, just doing whatever that is on your mind and not thinking much about it, well it's just the best feeling in the world. I find that sometimes I let my insecurities get the better of me, maintaining my sensible image is rather important but by doing that I feel like I lose out on life and its excitement. My character is something I feel is sometimes dull and uninteresting. Sad but true, I really need to be out there doing fun stuff, and learn to enjoy my life.

Yesterday, roaming around Sungai Wang and Pavilion was surprisingly fun, tiring but fun nonetheless. Walking aimlessly looking for nothing really. But it was fun looking at the interesting stuff around. KL, it is really awesome to be in, not the same feeling as when in PJ.

The roads are pretty confusing and honestly really messy.
But the city feels really wide and open and is very inviting.

It is colourful and bright, never dull. The creative designs in it just marvels you.
Lights everywhere, it just brightens up the atmosphere.

Getting back form KL wasn't that bad, leaving at the right time, it only take 30minutes, more or less. Later that night I had dinner with some friends from school. It wasn't anything fancy but it was an important occasion. I'll be leaving for NS soon so I may not be meeting my friends anymore for sometime, especially for Wenxian, who will be heading back in 2months time when I'm in NS. Our dinner went from normal to crazy. Causing commotions and 'noise pollution' around places. We went shop hopping around ss2, from Island Cafe to Swensen's and the to KFC and lastly to a coffee shop. It was all because we were wanting different things and was very insanely mad. Nah, probably just hungry, but it was a fun night altogether.
Keep looking :)

Money, The Root of All Evil?

2008-12-23T07:44:00.003+08:00

It's never bad to have a little extra money in your pocket. But is it all good? I can never have too much though. Having the thought of money is really tempting for me, splurging on anything I feel fit is always something I am weak against. But I have learned to control myself. It is not only in things like spending money but also in other things. I guess I'm the kind of person who needs to learn things small. Anyhow, Christmas is just around the corner and I feel as if that it is my approval to spend on myself and others too of course, besides it'll be awhile before I will be able to spend my money...

Keep looking :)

Life Is Hilarious.

2008-12-17T23:33:00.002+08:00

Somehow or rather, my life gets pretty strange. One day it will be all fine and good and then another day it'll seem really crappy. I noticed one thing about myself. I almost never get what I want. For some weird reason, everything that I hope for or wish would happen will actually turn out the opposite of it. And this is not something that happens once in a while, it does actually happen every other time I hope for something. This is really frustrating because I think it's affecting my confidence. So now when I wish to walk out, I would actually not hope for anything or something I wouldn't want happen will actually happen. This really bites...

Keep looking :)

How Would One Think It Would Be?

2008-12-17T23:11:00.002+08:00

It's never really something one actually things about unconsciously but it does happen. I realize a lot of people do this, processing what you are thinking before speaking. A lot of times I find myself speaking what I think but not really figuring out what will happen. And most of the times I'll regret saying it or thinking in my head, "darn it, i should have said.... instead." I guess it's something we do in the spur of the moment, I don't think it's wrong but somehow I feel a little foolish or dumb for saying them.

These couple of days have been real interesting. Since my SPM ended, my days have been spent in an office working my butt off. Okay, so maybe it wasn't that tough but it was challenging. I had to deal with the long hours, freezing air-conditioning and a supervisor that is really 'encouraging', nah, she's a great person to work with. Topped with a good pay and rather interesting colleagues, it was a truly great experience. Even though I worked for only 8 days, it was one of the best 8 days, did I mention they pay pretty well? Anyhow, it was my last day today. I guess working all my free time away isn't going to be what I want to be doing. I will be instead packing my remaining days I have with friends and me time before I get posted away for NS.

Keep looking :)

Goodbye My Friend...

2008-12-14T11:43:00.004+08:00

There's nothing better in life than a friend. And when one friend leaves, it just doesn't seem the same anymore. There's so much more in life that one can do with friends by your side. With that said, bon voyage Eve! May your adventures be one that will last a lifetime...

Keep looking :)

When Will It Appear?

2008-12-07T08:52:00.003+08:00

Where does one find something? And when do they stop searching? Until they find it? What if they don't find it ever? Are they just suppose to live without it? Can they live without it? What happens if they can't? Can they still live? Are we suppose to leave this earth when we don't find that one thing? Why can't we just live our lives free and easy without that something? Does life go on without that thing? Does the phrase "when one door closes another one opens" happen at all? If it does, then why does waiting feel like forever?

Keep looking :)

Life Must Go On

2008-11-30T15:08:00.003+08:00

Ever wonder what it would be like to just do whatever you want without having to face its consequences? That, to me is the must amazing thing one can actually experience. To me, life is just a constant journey that never seem slightly interesting. I find that things that happen are just so common and ordinary. I sometimes just wish that I would experience something so amazing that no one else have. A happening that is only meant for me but wishes are dreams, something in your thoughts and aren't always meant to be brought to reality. I would want to have at least a fraction of what real life has to offer. To be honest, the whole riding along with life and waiting to see what it brings is not exciting anymore. Taking control of my life, stewarding it, that's what I must do now.

Keep looking :)

Hurry Up Already...

2008-11-23T13:40:00.002+08:00

Waiting for something to pass is really not as easy as it seems. Time, for example, passes by fast when you look back but when at the present it seems as though it stands still. I don't exactly enjoy the moment of waiting, it's nerve wrecking and stressful. I can't wait for my exams to end but I am also afraid of what will happen after school life. You know that feeling where you get all excited about doing something and you've even planned it out in details but at the end it does not go through. That's how I feel right now, all my plans on travelling and going places after secondary school doesn't seem like it's possible any. Either way, I still can't wait for next year. I am still waiting for my letter from PLKN, don't know why, but I do hope for it to come soon. For some reason I have this urge to just want to vacate my life and just do something different and fun and I want that so bad, even NS is sounding funner than it is. right now I'm like in the midst of my SPM, it will end pretty soon but the waiting is still bad. Freedom, come to me!!

Keep looking :)

Being Comfortable

2008-11-16T19:53:00.003+08:00

There's always something that everyone wish they had or can do. Whether it is a skill or an achievement, there is a definite thing each person wants in their lives. I've always wanted to be that guy everyone notices or would want to be around with or talk to. I guess i just lack that outgoing, likable personality. So throughout most of my life, I've never been really comfortable with just being me. I always try to fit in and be truly accepted or at least to know that there's one person out there who notices me. I guess sometimes I lose myself pretending to be someone I'm not just for people to know me. You can say I lack attention. But I recently noticed that no matter what I do, I will never be really noticed as me unless I stop pretending to be someone I'm not. It's never easy to feel alone even when in a crowd or feel invisible right in front of people. The only thing one can ever do is just be yourself and be comfortable by being you. Who cares if you are alone now, stay true to yourself and sooner or later, someone will notice you for who you are.

Keep looking :)

Lucky I'm In Love...

2008-10-22T22:26:00.002+08:00

There's never once that I think to myself, "Wow, my life is an awesome one." I guess most people are never satisfied with their life or what they have. Many times I go on and on about my 'miserable' life and how tragic my fate is but I never stopped to wonder about the worst things that could have happened to me. So in a way I am spared from worse things but still suffer the bad. I do think that my life is pretty awesome, sure I don't enjoy expensive luxuries, drive nice cars, wear designer labels and I am rather unknown to the world, but hey, I am alive, healthy, have some pretty nice friends and an average lifestyle. So this is me loving my life, of course that doesn't mean I am satisfied and will stay this way forever, but I am living it the best I can. Are you?

Keep looking :)

No Regrets

2008-10-17T01:18:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt like the actions you take are not right but you just do it anyway? Have you felt as if the risks you take will just be a huge mistake? It's never easy to know for certain if what you do is right or wrong and sometimes the only way to know that you made a mistake is when you suffer for the consequences. One can't predict the consequences of your action, if you can, you're God. Whatever you do or choose to do, do it with no regrets. Don't hesitate to do what you think is right and what is rational. No regrets, that's one thing I'm learning to do. Letting go of your past mistakes and accepting the causes caused. There's nothing left to do, you can't change your past, so lets live out our lives without any regrets of the past.

Keep looking :)

Could It Be But A Mistake?

2008-09-26T23:08:00.002+08:00

I try very hard to keep up with life, the whole living my life to its fullest thing, but lately I feel like everything that I do or seem to try a accomplish just does not have that feeling of fulfillment. Could it be that I didn't give my 100% or has my standards just increased? Either way the sense and feeling of failure to accomplish and not being able to achieve something just kills me inside. I feel downgraded and as if I no longer have a purpose. Why does everything I do or every effort I put into accomplishing something just goes up in smokes? The worst part of it all is thinking you have done your fair share but results just aren't as satisfying as you wanted it. I know that everything happens for a reason but somethings are just so unknown and keeps you guessing if what is happening is nothing but a joke played by God himself. I start to wonder if there is anything left in this world that is at all sensible. So, as I wrap up this post, I do not wish to live a life that is nothing but failure and meaningless activities, instead I hope to find something in this big old world that needs me. Unlikely as it may be but that is life, it is not it until you've live through it. What do you think? Well, my trials ended yesterday and ya, it went not great. But the upside is, having been through that, there is only one more thing that I can do, study harder for SPM.

Keep looking :)

Finding Yourself

2008-09-13T23:31:00.002+08:00

I have never gotten the kind of friends that many have, the kind you can share secrets with or the ones whom you actually trust and take your mask off. Revealing myself to people just isn't as easy as many of you may think. Maybe it's just me but I never seem to find a friend who I know I can lean on. I do have all this confusion and frustration that I just can't share to people I know, not even close friends. One problem I face is the fear of ridicule. I just don't want people I mix around with to see my weakness and vulnerability. Another problem is that there isn't anyone I am close to enough or know long enough to actually understand or trust. I somehow just shun people I know away. It kills me that I have so much frustration that I can't handle and the worst thing is no one can actually help me. Obviously I don't want to reveal it but maybe I will once I find the right person. At the mean time, blogging about it in an anonymous way is the best way to let it out. It's tough to fit in a group of people or find a true friend that is willing to care. I just don't feel that I have ever had this privilege of having someone who cares about me as some people have. I often feel out casted and like I have to try hard to fit in. Nobody is truly alone, but I find that really hard to believe. On the outside, one may seem so sociable and friendly but that doesn't mean that he or she has someone who will be there for them. Maybe it's just my conception or high expectation to what a real friend is but i wouldn't know now would I? Let me try something new. Please if you are reading this, drop in your comments or point of view. It would be really nice to hear from my readers. Besides, I do need help in various areas from now on, plus you get to know what others might think too. I know this is very cheesy, but i want to thank you for spending time to get to know me better through my posts.

Keep looking :)

Daring To Move

2008-09-12T19:25:00.003+08:00

It is my exam week now. Trials to be exact. I have never in my life enjoyed the exhilarating thrill of the stress caused by the exams. It's not much that I feel dumb or something, it's just that procrastinating spirit, I-don't-give-a-damn attitude and a bit of laziness in me that just makes studying such a burden. I honestly don't think I'm stupid or retarded, alright maybe a little, but my real weakness will be striving and working hard. So as I'm posting this, I am indeed wasting my study time. Now, lately things has gotten a whole lot confusing in my life. Burdens after burdens are being stressed upon me, responsibilities that are given that I honestly don't even bother with are just thrown at me. Do I look like I want to be burdened? Well maybe it's the fact that I look like the kind of person you can take advantage of, but to be frank I am. I have the 'humbling' character apparently, a whole load of bs if you ask me. Honestly I don't like doing things I am forced to do, I don't know why but if someone expects me to do something, I will definitely complain. I have recently realized that life is indeed too short to live in agony and regrets. I guess I'm having one of those life changing moments. Like I've mentioned many times, I do not hate my life. It's just that I want something more than just the one I have now. I want to live a life I am proud of, a life that is free and happy. No more suffering to do things i don't want to or be expected to do something, no more mundane scheduled life and definitely no more responsibilities. I am of course not talking about disowning your life or studies, but more towards the extras that are supposedly 'benefiting to your future' or 'character building'. Like i said, life is too short.

Keep looking :)

MERDEKA!

2008-08-31T21:19:00.002+08:00

Wow! 51 years of independence. That's something huh? Well, I can't just leave the blog with my previous post, without celebrating an occasion like this. Truly amazing that Malaysia has continued to live in harmony, of course with some glitches, but at the end of it, it is magnificent how we have such freedom and life here in Malaysia. Honestly with the increase of economy, Malaysia is like one of the best places to be. Everywhere else is so not affordable now. Besides, only in Malaysia, food can be gotten 24-7. I think the best thing about Malaysia is the food. Followed by the sensible phone charges and SMS rates. All in all, I am proud to be a Malaysian. With that said, it doesn't mean that I am patriotic, far from that in fact. Anyway, SELAMAT HARI MERDEKA YA'LL!

Keep looking :)

Facing Your Demons.

2008-08-31T21:03:00.004+08:00

Nobody is perfect. That's what they all say, but is it true? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with flaws, everyone else just look happy and pretty and like their life is at its best. Why can't I be them, or like them? Why am I stuck with the flaws and demons that I have. If I had one wish, it'll be to change my life. Don't get me wrong, my life ain't all bad, just the bad side of it is probably one of the worst. I guess everyone has a bad side of themselves, it's how one covers it on the outside, I do that often and have been really good at hiding true emotions. So, can one hide their real feelings and bury them till it really gets out of their life? Or will it come back to haunt you? I need to face some problems, some personal demons. It's hard to face something you are so afraid of and weak against. I really want it gone, I just want to live a normal life without going to bed at night confused and crying myself to sleep or feel so vulnerable around people. Now, is everyone still imperfect?

Keep looking :)

It's A Rainy Day.

2008-08-26T18:23:00.002+08:00

Rain. It's refreshing and cooling, beautiful to watch and and nice to feel. The world needs rain and so do we, but every time it rains boredom and lifelessness comes in. We feel tired and depressed, we can't reach our destinations or be happy cause the weather makes the atmosphere gloomy. So, is rain still important? Well it is but it isn't as fun as you think or like it to be. I think the rain is nice, not suitable though when you're planning outdoor games, walking home/to your destination or when you're trying so hard to study. But all in all, we should appreciate the rain every now and then. Without it, we will have a hard time.

Keep looking :)

Venturing the Unknown.

2008-08-16T21:25:00.003+08:00

"Your word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."
-psalms 119:105-

The future. It is said to be one of the greatest mysteries in the world. No one can truly predict what can happen. Yet everyone is curious and wants to know. I guess it is in our human nature to want to know things, to wonder and predict what will happen. God says that His word is our guide. So why do I still feel afraid of my future? It is really hard to believe in something that isn't visible or without proof. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my life after SPM. Even though it is still a long way to go, it is still bothering me that my life after high school will be very scary.

I've sort of planned for my 6 months after SPM, hopefully it will come to past as or better than planned. I got chosen for national service, so I guess my first 3 months are occupied, praying hard for the first intake. Later, I would really like to get a job, to have the feel and work experience. That will be the few months after? Well, I don't plan to start studying so early anyway. If everything works out, I'll be occupied for the first 6 months of 2009. Awesome huh?

Coming back to the present, my trials are like in a months time or less. This one week of holiday will have to be spent studying. I am honestly really behind all the lessons and syllabus, therefore the time left is actually insufficient. But hopefully with a lot of hard work and by God's grace, I'll be able to do well or at least catch up. Although times are tough and the future is uncertain, just remember that worrying is never the solution. All you can do is just to live the best you can today. Like someone once told me, "let tomorrow worry itself, focus on the present", well it went something along that line. =)

Keep looking :)

Beyond the Naked Eye

2008-08-10T21:18:00.012+08:00

Have you ever felt that sometimes life is just so complicating. Why can't we just live a life that is easy and stress free? I used to think that my life was at its worst and that it couldn't go downhill anymore. I was dead wrong. After living through the many ups and downs of life, I can only say that ones life is honestly not as bad as you think it is. Reflecting back, I did over react a little and tend to overlook all the great blessings I had. I guess without the challenges I have faced I would never be who I am today and now I can be more appreciating of the things in my life. Well, now for a slightly lighter part. These are a few fun moments shared with friends.

Sometimes life gets the better of you. That's what friends are for.

Keep looking :)

08.08.08

2008-08-08T22:02:00.003+08:00

What an incredible date. It is a great date with incredible happenings. So what's so significant about today?

1. Olympics Open.

It's pretty cool to have an opportunity to experience and watch such a great event that doesn't come by often.

2. CF Annual General Meeting.

It's official. I'm finally done with all my extra curricular activities. In some ways I'm sad, but in most I'm glad that the burden and responsibilities are now over and gone. I'll still be around for CF no doubt. But just the fact and knowledge that I don't have to be depended on is a real joy. I was really glad to be appreciated so well. I guess that after all the stuff, being a vice president and all, it's good that we were all deeply acknowledged. I truly thank God that CF really gave their all today, through the worship and supporting of the new committee. I guess there is a plan and a purpose for everything.

Keep looking :)

Google Image Tag.

2008-08-08T20:44:00.010+08:00

Well the only reason I'm doing this is because i got tagged and I'm pretty free now, so do enjoy.

Tag.
a) Answer the questions below, do a Google Image Search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, do it with minimal words of explanation
b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you've finished answering every question

1. The age you'll be on your next birthday:

2. A place you'll like to travel to:

3. Your favourite place:

4. Your favourite food:

5. Your favourite pet:

- it's a rock...

6. Your favourite colour combination:

7. Your favourite piece of clothing:

8. Your all-time favourite song:

9. Your favourite TV show:

10. First name of your significant other/crush:

11. The town in which you live in:

- this is a map of P.J.

12. Your screen name/nickname:

- what I got typing "life"

13. Your first job:

never worked before...

14. Your dream job:

- this is a traveller, it's what you get...

15. A bad habit you have:

- typed "watching too much tv"

16. Your worst fear:

17. The one thing you'd like to do before you die:

18. The first thing you'll buy if you get $1,000,000:

I tag:
Venu
Elaine Lim
Jamie
Camillia (there u go... a pic tag)
Brandon Cher

Keep Looking :)

Memories.

2008-07-28T15:07:00.011+08:00

The many memories and friendships formed over the years.

I hope that the bonds we have and memories shared will last forever.

Keep looking :)

Gone Like The Wind.

2008-07-28T14:10:00.009+08:00

22 July 2008. Another incredible day, it was the day I am officially graduating/retiring from being a prefect. It wasn't as happy a day as many may thing. It was hard for me to let go and give up my post. I guess I just got attached to it too close.

The Installation was great and I would have to say pretty fun. Overall, I was left with peace, relief, sadness and freedom. All these mixed emotions were felt and now looking back, I can truly say that after all that has happened, me being a prefect and finally leaving the board after 5 years, was truly a great experience and the memories I have will definitely be with me forever. As I always say, things happen for a reason. At least now I can focus on better things.

Keep looking :)

Put A Smile On My Face.

2008-07-27T17:36:00.003+08:00

I am a guy who likes entertainment. My main source of it has to be through watching the tv. So when I am watching a really good show, I never like the ads that come on. They are just plain annoying and disrupting. But there are some exceptional ads that I just can't help but smile. This post is for me to share with you the ads that I find hilarious. Enjoy :)

Keep looking:)

Indescribable.

2008-07-26T22:10:00.005+08:00

Life is a funny thing. It is filled with great wonders and marvels. Yet it is also mysterious and risky. What is life? How did it begin? Charles Darwin believes that man is an evolution of life, that we are an evolution species of primates. On the other hand, there is creation. Although it is hard to believe that there is a god, it does explain a lot. For instance how did the universe come to be? The Big Bang theory honestly is hard to believe or explain.

It is hard to accept the fact that such beautiful creations are the cause of atoms or particles colliding with one another. Truly this has to be the work of God. His unfathomable, mysterious, incredibly amazing and indescribable work is truly miraculous. Marvels that are so beautiful and inspiring to mankind, He blessed us all with great creations. Truly then He must be real, right?
So this comes back to the question 'what is life?'. To me it is a journey one goes through to gain experiences. But for what? I am a Christian, therefore I believe in life after death. The experiences gained and deeds done when on earth will definitely count in the 'afterlife'. After knowing the great creations, it is clear to me that God is real and all powerful. He exists through His work, knowing He created these marvels are proof of His existence. So what are your thoughts on this matter? If you have the time, do check out 'Indescribable' or 'How Great is Our God' by Louie Giglio. It's a video on a really awesome discovery that will blow your mind.

Check out this video on the marvels of our universe with music by Chris Tomlin.

Chris Tomlin- Indescribable (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PTvr755V8s

Louie Giglio- How Great is Our God (part 1)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_82lZ2PpYQE

Keep looking :)

Remembering The Past, Looking Towards The Future.

2008-07-25T21:55:00.005+08:00

Looking back through the years of my days spent in high school, everything seems so pointless. The things I've done or gone through just to reach the top doesn't quite seem fulfilling anymore. Maybe back then being on top was important but now that it is all over, was it really worth it to have done all that I have, to have wasted those precious time and having sacrifice certain things? One thing is for sure, my gains are definitely more than my loss. The experiences I've learned and friendships formed are most definitely cherished. It will be hard to give up all my responsibilities, work and authority but I guess it is for the better. Besides, nothing can last forever.

Searching for one's self is a constant adventure. One can change as they grow older or when their life is changed by different events. Now that I have finished my term as a prefect, it is hard to actually find myself anywhere. Where does one go once they leave something they were all their life? I already struggle to fit in as it is, now there isn't anywhere that i can go back to. Who am i now that a part of me is gone? All I can hope for is that time will make things easier for me, but I'll definitely hold on to the good things of my past as well.

-Awaiting for better things to come-

Keep looking :)

Music For The Soul.

2008-07-21T23:28:00.002+08:00

Not many may think this but I think that music is a part of life that everyone enjoys. For me recently listened to really good tunes that changed my view and taste in music. For me music defies a persons interest and character and it is a good thing. I use to listen and love certain mainstream bands but lately that perception of a famous band changed. I now love what I'm listening to and mainly like alternative rock, pop and indie... I guess as you grow your taste in music changes along. Anyway, if you have the time, do drop by my myspace page and take a listen to some of the music I like. www.myspace.com/jaredow

Keep Looking :)

12th of July 2008.

2008-07-20T10:53:00.004+08:00

Memories of '08 Prefect Hi-tea:

An unforgettable day filled with food, fun and friends.

I know I didn't write much, but a picture tells a thousand words :)

Keep looking.

A New Beginning.

2008-07-13T15:47:00.000+08:00

Life as you all may know is always never quite the way it seems to be. For me, I overlook things and exaggerate a lot. These are the journeys of my life. Everything I do and feel will be recorded here.

I don't know what exactly life is about but what I know is that you can never know something until you have lived through it. Therefore, I will keep posting on my life once I've lived through it.

Keep looking :)