There's So Much More To Do...

In life, everyone has an aim, a goal, something they want to achieve before they leave this earth. I have a dream, a goal too. I want to be successful, who doesn't, and want to be able to live without the worries of money :)

I have been studying for the past week, something I don't usually do well in, but by His grace, i usually do fine in my exams. The only problem is, I don't wanna just do okay or fine in the upcoming papers, I wanna ace it. I'll try my hardest for sure, but my attention span is that of a peanut. Example 1, I was at my friend's, Jeen Pei's, house yesterday trying my best to study but the whole focus shifted once the Nintendo Wii was on. Great huh? Yea, from one game it turned into a whole hour of playing and only left me with about half an hour to study. See little distractions like this throws my attention of studying out the window. I hate my attention span.

But I am looking forward to the part after my exams :) I whole 2 months of class-free schedule and all I need to do is work :l Okay, so I won't be as to put it "bumming" around, cause I need my bank account balance to increase in digits, hopefully zeroes as well. Working at starbucks is fine and all, but working there too often makes you wanna slit your throat and stab your brains (I don't mean it literally). It's just that I get bored too easily working there. That's why I'm considering a second part-time job :) yea, still in the same F&B line but hopefully the 'new' job will be one that is less straining/tiring.

So yea, my 2 months from now have been settled and done with, not bad at all huh? :)

more to come :)

Sometimes It's Hard To Live In Reality.

Time has passed by so fast! Too fast if I must add. I find it quite unbelievable that we are almost halfway through with 2010. My classes for semester 1 has ended and it's been a whole lot of crazy going on with me. Stress, that was faced and done with (for now at least) and a new phase of my life will be coming right up. Yes, HOLIDAYS! :) haha, back to bumming and sleeping in and doing a whole lot of nothing... Maybe going around town and just chill... Yea, it does bring me back to my 2009... But one thing's for sure, I can't be too much of a bum. Need to work hard and earn some money. Too many things have been listed in my "want" list and it's not going to get longer. Need to cross them off my list (by which I mean buy/get them, not forgo them) :) I'm considering a second job for now. Starbucks been great but it isn't a whole lot fun working there all the time. Besides, I feel like I've lost the interest working there. Don't think I'll be leaving starbucks, not for now anyway. I recently got asked to work in this new cafe place over at Jaya One and I'm considering it, negotiating and hoping that it'll be a better job than my current. I might just work at both place, that way I get more pay. But that would suck in the long run.

Yea, reality bites. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you plan it to be. And maybe it's just a way for you to work even harder. It does, however, still annoys the hell out of you. I need to focus on the last leg of the race in my 1st semester. Final exams in 2 weeks, need to start hitting the books (or in my case, notes). Just so you know, studying and me is like a balloon facing a needle, it can hurt me bad. After my final paper on 21st of June, I'll probably start by working more hours. Yay, can't wait -_-

hard work, please pay off :)

I Am Smart, Don't Tell Me Otherwise Cause I Just Won't Give A Damn :)N

Yea... Blogging :) Not something I find fun anymore :) But freestyle writing and no boundaries expression, I think I can do a little more of them. I've been super busy the past few weeks, mainly with assignments and group presentation preparations. Done a lot of hard work (by which I mean, sacrificing late nights to do last minute work). Ok, so my method of working is still leaving things to the last minute but I don't see much of a problem in that for now.

Let me tell you a little bit about my friend Stress. My relationship with stress is just great :) I am motivated, inspired, pushed to the limits by him. So he isn't a friend I would hang out much with, but he isn't that bad of a guy you know. I think I work harder with him around. After today, he's gone away.

My preparations for my BIG presentations were today. I used the plural because I had two different presentations. FML. But that didn't kill me, no worries. But it did cause me to get more anxious and nervous. I felt the adrenaline rush flowing through me (ok fine it was exaggerated but still it was intense and exciting).

Advertising Principles Group Presentation, I honestly expected that my group would have and could have done way better if time was used better, but unfortunately, our last minute work only helped us enough to maybe borderline pass. I'm not complaining or anything, I think everyone did remarkably well, considering the lack of preparation, but it's all good now. What I'm freaking glad was my Mass Comm Group Presentation. It feels pretty damn awesome to have all the hard work you put into something paid off well. We got an A btw. :) And it is mainly thanks to Zoe Lim, my group mate who actually did a whole bunch of stuff :) including editing videos (which you can watch by clicking herehttp://www.youtube.com/user/RapeInPrevention. It's pretty awesome how she does this really cool stuff like taking pictures, filming vids and editing them. And of course I did some work too, if you were thinking "Jared's a lazy basterd".

Posters for my Ad Principles presentation:

And these are done for my Mass Comm presentation:

I know they look really amateurish. But who cares, I am one. :) The first two pictures were taken and edited by me (bruise marks by Zoe), yes, that's why it looks kinda crappy. The last two pictures were taken by Zoe and edited by me :) The girl is my other group mate, Jeen Pei.

Yes, so my last few weeks have been pretty preoccupied and sadly I have forsaken many other things for that, like skipping church service (forgive me Lord), watching little to none television, sleeping too little and NOT WORKING! I gave up on working too! Ok not forever lar, just for the time being. I need to have "Me time" too you know. But the feeling of not working is starting to affect me greater each passing moment. Everyday, my wallet gets lighter and my bank account losses more digits. I need the cash, hence "Me time" will have to wait. Good news is, my break is just around the corner. That means more free time :) I just have to pass one more obstacle, exams. It's my last lap before my sem ends, so why not do it well eh?

On another note, I'm getting a Canon DSLR soon :) yay!

peace out :)

Sadly, This Is Reality

I wish I can be a rockstar, traveling the world and being seen and heard. I wish I can be a hobo, living in the streets with no responsibility whatsoever. I wish I could be anywhere else but here. Dreams are so easy to dream, but living it is ten times harder. I hate the fact that I feel hopeless in life so often nowadays. I don't like the feeling of being trapped or having your dreams killed by the reality I'm in. Can someone just take me to the moon? :)

It really isn't as bad as it probably is, but I feel as if I'm stuck in a hole that is twelve feet deep and there's no way out. Somehow I'm trapped and exposed at the same time. People seem to see my weaknesses, I feel transparent and vulnerable. That isn't a very good position to be in. I like my privacy and I like things kept to myself, don't go revealing personal stuff.

I feel even worse these days. Must be the stress from assignments and the fact that I have no life outside of my college. Even church seems dull these days. Damn it, why can't things just be easier? Why must reality be such an ass? I am trying to keep myself calm and collected and it's really harder said than done. Anger and frustration just keep bursting out of me in the night, it really sucks, it sucks bad.

Okay, so there, I've vent out my frustrations, some of it at least...

Freedom, pls come my way...

Turn The Lights Off...

If you haven't already realize, my blog is kinda dead, I know I should update it more often, but I'm honestly not inspired anymore. BUT... This post is kinda out of the ordinary, so I have to blog about what happened last night. After work, my colleague and I went for a movie, Iron Man 2! Yea, the movie was, Action packed. So, what happened was after the movie we headed back to the car. I am currently driving this really old tank @Volvo. It turns out that I forgot to turn my headlights off. YES! My battery died, I couldn't even get the door to unlock, had to manually use the key and turn it (the alarm went off and I almost died of stress). We tried many methods, like pushing the car to give it a start. But it was a failure. Screw that, I was tired and pissed and sleepy. It killed the mood that night. I kept praying, begging God for some miracle or a way to get over the situation. Praise God, He answered my prayers. Two awesome guys with a Ford Ranger were there and we asked for help. Amazingly the driver had a jump start cable, which he so magically pulled out from his back seat. It was as if he was prepared or knew someone would need it. It was truly an amazing coincidence, but I do believe that God was real and at work then. That incident left me shocked and amazed. My colleague and I were like stunned with joy at the miracle :)

Praise the Lord, Amen :D

Love is More Than A Four Letter Word

Ah yes, the ever relying, ever strived for, what everyone dreams of and hopes for, and searches all their life to find it. Yea, it does happen to everyone ones in a lifetime. I love a lot of things (yes, love is not only regarded to another person), music, movies, tv shows, money, people... etc. The level of love for each does differ but, there's always a dilemma when it comes to love, something I call, Self. When it comes to love, you will naturally end up thinking about yourself.

True love is being selfless... True, but no one can truly say that they have true love. I for one have been rather selfish. Yes, I admit. Most often I like to put my feelings and considerations first before anyone else. I apologize if at times I put anyone down for my benefit. I do it sub-consciously and I do regret the feeling after. At the end of the day, I don't think that you can love someone and not care about yourself, c'mon even the reasons for loving someone isn't selfless...

I know that sometimes one can love so many things at one time. Is that wrong? I don't believe so, loving and being loyal is a whole different topic all together, but then again when it comes to loving a person, you must be faithful and loyal. I hate the feeling that I have been disloyal to God lately. I do stumble at times, and this here is my confession. It's hard to stay focussed to one when there are so many other distractions out there. I just gotta work harder at it. My ultimate goal is to live my life for His purpose after all...

On another note, is it ever too early to start looking for love? I keep seeing everyone around me hooking up or coupling. Yea, I find it rather weird, cause for me, I really don't find the reasons for dating. Hmmm, yea, I should start maturing now. I do sound like a little kid don't I? My colleagues think I look too kiddish and innocent... T_T I hate me... But that ain't entirely bad lar. Just that at most times, it's bad. :(

Anyway, that's just my short take on the L word. I guess I'll learn more about it in the years to come, and hopefully when love walks in, music and movies will not be it.

:)

What happened in the day? Well, I personally loved today and tomorrow (friday). :) I'm sorry, it's midnight, but its still the 25th to me. Moving on, today was great cause my advertising class ended early :) So, joy to us all... And yea, we had mass comm tutorial... Cool stuff :) We watched a movie, Shattered Glass. What I learned? Journalism ethics. Keep that in mind... It was a rather interesting movie that really keeps you thinking... YES! And tomorrows Comp Graphics class got canceled! I finally get a whole day of nothing to do :) But I shall be a good boy and start on my assignment that is due in 2 weeks... :)

peace ya'll ;)

Sleepy, BUT I need to get things done....

Oh God, I can't believe I've been staying up till 2am these pass few days. YES even now. God, I swear I could just die, but I shall be strong and continue to press on to get through the day. My life's an irony I tell you. Why do I say so? Well, it's maybe cause I'm selfish, that or maybe life just like to play around with me.

I'm currently stuck in a dilemma. I find myself not being able to work enough. On one hand I love that I have a little more chill time to just be able to relax and maybe do some work, but on the other hand, I suffer financially. I squeeze my wallet for enough dough to help me survive a month. Yes, I do not like to save. Like I've always said, the main purpose of me working is for me to be able to enjoy going out, buying things whenever and not worry about asking or begging from my parents. Then again, it's not as if I don't want to work, it's the fact that my classes always get in the way of me working. For now, at least, I should put my priority to my studies. God help me.

Another thing is, with reference to the above, I have been really lazy lately. With work ending so late, I get up late as well, practically just enough time for me to wash up and head to class. Yea, that's screwing up my life. I need time to focus on my assignments. I'm so way behind everyone and the pressure is getting to me. It's frustrating to know that you have to get something done but whenever you get the motivation or when you're finally in the right mood to do your work, other things obstructs you. Yes, like work, for me. Nowadays, use any free available time I have to go online and watch korean dramas.

I know that I'm in a crunch for time, but please just leave me be :( I want my work done a.s.a.p. as well. All I can do now is just pray real hard for His mercy and grace and hope to Him that he'll give me the strength and self-control I really need :)

I need a balance in life. And money, more and more of $$ :)

Shoot, dang it... FAIL!!! :(

NOoooo!! I think I suck... :(

So, I think we're all familiar with the word 'Procrastination'? Yea, we all know it very very well... Lately for me, procrastination has been following me around and clinging on to me way too tightly. I can't seem to shake it off. Dear God help me PLEASE!

I hate the feeling of last minute work. Honestly, yes, stress does help motivate you to work hard, but when you did your work within the last hour or so, it turns around and bites you in the behind :( That's as much as I can say or describe how I did my last assignment, and damn it is a disgrace to all "artists" out there. Yea, I do want to achieve a high level of creativity, one where I can come up or create a work of art, a masterpiece. Hell no, from where I am now, it'll take a miracle. And no thanks to my "BFF" Mr. Procrastination. I just wanna do my best and give my all and show everyone that I am capable to be creative and also to myself that I did not choose the wrong course...

With that said. Procrastination, we're over. I don't friend you no more. And laziness, stay the hell away from me :)

This here is going to make you cry (or laugh) but do try to control yourself as to not get seriously injured. Voila... My first Computer Graphics assignment on creating symbols, based on pictures of animals (3 different animals to be exact).

For your entertainment :)

Frustration's Causing Me To Stress OUT!

Argghhh... My assignment is really killing my nerves, if that's even possible. I can't seem to get Illustrator right. You know the feeling where you try and try to make something the way you imagine it, but somehow, a little twit here and a slight change there and suddenly BOOM!, your work seems ruined... I'm losing my patience, something I really need to work on more.

Today, I shall share a brief account on my college life. As said in previous post, I'm really liking the environment, the subjects (although it does get boring and frustrating), the really cool lecturers and what is classes without great awesome classmates? Well, to be honest, I never really gave much interest into making friends or getting to know people more when at college. I guess I just thought that the hassle of finding a crowd and fitting in will just involve more hard work. I guess I wanted to be more serious when in college, focussing on my course and my work. But that ain't the case, I honestly thing that the people that makes up my class are the most diverse and uniquely weird (in a good way). Yea, they aren't your everyday-next-door kinda of people. It's awesome how everyone seems to be so different yet are able to be comfortable with each other. And it's great that, somehow, I feel comfortable being just the way I am.

No, I'm not saying that it's fairy tale land. C'mon, let's get real. What is perfection anyway? One thing I realize through my 19 years of living is that there are always clicks. Everywhere you go, you'll tend to see people of the same character and/or liking stick together. That's not so bad, i guess in a way that's life. We tend to draw nearer to the "same kind". But thankfully, I'm able to not only be but also see others get comfortable even when not around their "own kind".

An awesome course, with fun people... Yea, that's my kind of college. Though I know that my semester will only get harder, but ultimately, it's good to know that you have people there going through the hardships with.

A New Epic Starts Now...

This blog is really verging on it's death. I'm trying hard to keep it alive, but somehow I haven't been motivated enough to post up stuff. Right, with that aside...

I never really enjoyed the simplicity of life. I kinda like the varied surprises and unknown happenings. So yea, mundane boring repetitive days are an absolute NO for me. It's great and all to be prepared for your upcoming battles, but not to the extent where the outcome becomes predictable. Maybe my chilling attitude and worry-less character for tomorrow is causing me procrastination and laziness... I admit that nothing fears me much, I'm prepared to do anything to try to survive and honestly, I feel I'm becoming used to failures. So, the next time you expect great achievement from me, think again. Not that I hate to be expected to succeed, but sometimes disappointing others puts you down as well. Where am I coming from? Well, this is my take since working, honestly sometimes I feel useless and such a failure there... but then there'll be moments where I feel I've achieved good things for my store. So, does that make me a failure? I don't know, you tell me. But it's not complete failure if you do have a certain success record. Damn, this is pretty confusing, but I know that I ain't a failure in His eyes.

I've lately been working hard to keep my spiritual life on the top notch, even though it's hard. But I wanna be faithful to God and I wanna be consistent in doing my quite time and serving Him. Most of the time taking the easy way out and wanting to live the worldly life seem so tempting, but I've got to constantly remind myself what my purpose in life is and what is best for me, in the long run. I'm getting there, praying real hard for the passion in me to keep burning strong...

On another note of my life, College! So far, it's been awesome... :) I've already had a couple of assignments piling. And as usual, my pathetic procrastinating buddy keeps getting in the way of me completing them assignments. I really shouldn't take them lightly. But that's just the way it is now... but overall, things has been fun... Completing my first homework, which to me is a pretty good first attempt, is really great. Computer graphics class is super fun but super difficult to master. I'll be needing a whole lot more of practice with my "BFF" Adobe Illustrator.

Just so you are clear, the photo above was copied from the internet... It was an awesome shot and edit. Yea, ok maybe it seems easy but I have not a clue how it's done, yet. But my goal is to achieve a great edited photograph :) The below on the other hand is my first attempt on copying the almost similar... Of course my work was not exactly but from a distance it's more or less similar... at least it doesn't look off... I have another assignment with Illustrator due Friday, I'll make it proud to be looked upon :)

keep on shining :)

For The Sake Of It...

Two weeks of break! So far it has been awesome. Chinese New Year has been really great, I ate so much and have been skipping gym for 2 weeks now... NOT good!! But it's been a good week of resting and just hanging out... It's not being lazy, but just having that much needed doing nothing :)

19.02.10

A trip down to KL. With the brinjal, potato and the brinjal's sister :) We wandered around Petaling Street/ Pasar Seni... Then to the awesome Pavilion where we visited Mooks. Later on to Kinokuniya, KLCC. And we travelled back to Kota Damansara for dinner and then stopped by The Curve before heading back home. Yea that was a lot of places visited and a lot of money spent along the way, mainly on food :( I didn't even buy anything and yet I feel so broke... God, traveling around does require money as well... But, I'm not complaining.

20.02.10

After church I had a store partner's meeting @ Starbucks... And later dinner at Tram Car, paid for with our hard earned prize money for getting 2nd at some sales target challenge... :) I loved how everyone had such a fun time chilling and chatting with one another... After dinner a few of us (AJ, Nina and Billy) were suppose to go for a session of karaoke... We ended up going all the way to Jalan Ampang for a cheap rate session, which unfortunately had a long waiting list. We went off cause the wait was just too ridiculous. So we decided to try another place and we ended up at BB Plaza at Jalan Bukit Bintang. We left almost immediately after finding out the price for one pax... RM48++? Insane lar this places... At last we decided to just go back to SS2 to karaoke... But that was then about 12.30am. I will die of exhaustion if we did go for it. But I managed to persuade the rest to just call it a night. And so we did, Nina who was our dear driver dropped us home :) But not before a stop at the 24hours KFC at (i think) Jalan University? Anyway, we had a fun time talking, laughing and making fun of each other... xD All in all, it was an awesome night. I ended up reaching home around 3am...

Life does go on...

Announcement of A Dead Blog Rising From The Ashes...

Okay, so I haven't been blogging much... Sorry, my bad. But this is really a hassle to me now, at least for now. Fortunately for those who actually read this, and know about my life through the blog, nothing much has happened :) Okay, that's a lie, cause my life suddenly went to a whole new level... I got Elevated, unfortunately not much on the spiritual side...

Quick notes to update...

Firstly, I've started college!! Yes, finally :) but that's just half of it. College has been super fun. I'm currently doing a diploma in Creative Multimedia over at IACT College. When they say college life is awesome, no one told me how amazing FUN it is... Well, at least for now it's fun. Thankfully the work load has yet to pile. Attending classes and listening to lectures and learning Computer Graphics (the super noob level) is really really exciting. And yeah, although I do still get sleepy in lectures, but every now and then the lecturer will entertain us in different ways. I like how they try to keep classes real casual and a fun method... My classmates! They're the best bunch of people. Their randomness never seize to amaze me. And I thank God for awesome people that actually connect well with one another.

Well, last thursday was my birthday, if you didn't know, REPENT NOW! xD I'm kidding, but this year was exceptional. I really am grateful for the many little yet touching gestures the people in my life did... Thank you for the wishes all you peeps. And a big thanks for the awesome time ( AJ & Kishore & the Starbucks partners; IACT Class of 201001 and you SAMPATS!) Blekh... ok this is turning into an acceptance award speech... Anyway, you guys get the point, right?

That, is the very brief and short summary of what's been going down the past 1 month or so. Sure I'm pretty much still the same, but somehow I feel even more exhausted than before. I am having fun and all, but studying in the afternoon and working at nights can be pretty tiring. I feel so lazy and just feel like sleeping in every morning, shoot, I'm demotivating myself... NO! Mornings' are gym time and me time... sleep from now on is unfortunately only a minimum necessity for me... :(

What else is there for me to blab here? Well, Chinese New Year is just a weekend away, I'm honestly not feeling festive much these days... Sigh of sadness, but truthfully, I guess when you're not doing much visitations or traveling, it's probably just another day... I hope to get a little bit of $$ though :) yeah, I have been really money crazy lately.. Oh well, the world goes round... I promise I'll update more frequently :)

Keep looking :)

Somethings Just Don't Change, They Have To be Accepted

I seem to have lost my sanity again. I know that at times I need to just suck it in and accept facts that somethings just are that way.

Over the past year of 2009, it was an incredible year of learning and also finding myself. You can call it soul searching. It's not all fun and games for me. I had a really tough time figuring out my life and what I, as an individual, would like to do. I did many odd jobs and spent a lot of time thinking of my future and goals. To say that I have had that all figured out is a lie. I honestly am still in the dark about my future and I guess I'll never fully know it. Only God can decide on how my life will become.

I did go through and i think I'll always go through this. The feeling of being alone. I think everyone goes through that often but I have learned that people aren't everything. What makes You you is what you do. So the next time you feel left out, screw it, life goes on :)

Although I had my freedom to do the things I want, somethings felt forced and unnatural. I accepted them. I did though, meet new and old friends and I'm grateful to God for that. But that doesn't mean that things went easier for me. I faced many "life" problems alone. I just don't think that anyone is in the same state as I'm in, and probably no one was able to help. That's fine though, I guess everyone does go through their own problems alone.

To sum up 2009 is pretty simple for me, I realized that:

I am capable to do things that might seem unapproachable or too much to handle.

I am perfectly fine being by myself.

I am the only obstacle in my life.

I can do all things through Christ that strenghtens me.

Do something...

2010, Making It Mine...

The start of a new decade, seems pretty surreal to me, and yet somehow nothing seems different. I guess a new year doesn't make the difference, it's what YOU do that makes things new. I want to achieve so much more this year, and in the years that follows. I know it's easier said than done, but just wait and see... I do want to own my life, not giving in to the "things" that surround me or what others tell me to do. That's not living to me, achieving what YOU want is living life. So that's what I plan to do this year, to be out of the ordinary and be ME. :)

Do something, Keep looking :)