So Yesterday

"Laugh it off let it go and,

When you wake up it will seem,

So yesterday, so yesterday...

Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay"

I guess ones life can never be perfect and I've come to realize that mine is so far from that. I know now that expectations are always there, I mean everyone expects something, whether directly or indirectly. I don't know how to handle stress the right way and maybe there isn't one, but knowing that I don't have to worry about being Mr. Perfect is the best relief I have.

The other day I was frustrated with my life and who I was being lost into. I find myself really uncomfortable being surrounded I guess by people that just seem perfect and flawless, worry free and happy. I don't know what it is, but church has taken its toll on me. I don't find the joy in serving and definitely do not like the "peaceful" environment. I guess it only hit me now that what I've been uncomfortable about, not being care free and relaxed was an expectation that not others put on me, but what I have stressed myself over. No one ever asked for me to be a saint or some disciplined lifeless person, I did that all alone. And looking back, these unnecessary burden that I have put upon myself is just not sensible and for some reason, I have no idea why I did that. I know now that being myself is harmless, for now at least, and that I can be who I want to be and still serve and have fun. I don't how it will work out but it has to.

These couple of days has just been dreadful. I feel tired in the office, restless in bed, grumpy, dizzy, sleepy and just not focused. I don't why but I just have this hate and anger in me. I feel lost often of times and I just can't seem to find comfort. There's just something missing and I'm too tired to find out what it is.

I need some R&R, some adventure, something to get things of my head... I'm having plans to go on a vacation and I know this might be the worse timing, considering the economy stability or lack of and financial deficiency I'm facing but I think that it's going to be awesome for me to just jet off to see places and enjoy a little hassle of travelling. So first up for me will be an all expenses paid trip end of June or early July, by my aunt, to Japan! It will be some tour thing, but who's complaining... Next up, Mission trip to Cambodia early August, organized by the church and my youth. And lastly and hopefully, a relaxing trip of fun, food and sea and mountains to Sabah end of August. Ok so they are merely plans for now, nothing that is definite, except Cambodia. And who knows, more to come? If all things work, this will be one hell of a year for me...

Peace out,

Keep looking :)