Wake Me Up From Misery.

Someone just smack me in the head and wake me up from this nightmare I'm in. I just can't find a reason to continue on with my life where everything is either right or wrong. Choices, I feel as if I have lost all freedom to choose. Everything is either the right thing to do, or it's wrong and therefore I can't do it... What ever happen to options, why must things be so black and white, so two dimensional. I need to get away from my life, how and when is the only questions that remain. Am I being selfish? I just can't stand doing something I don't enjoy, and handling CG is just that, dreading to be in church each Saturday is rather a burden for me, and my attitude towards this is not something I like. I hate being put into this position. One way or another I am stuck in this for a long time... Save Our Souls, SOS. I need a break, to chill and relax, to think things through. Is it too much to ask for?!!

Weekends were as usual, the same kill-me-now thoughts in my head. On Saturday, I got up and well, was not exactly in the mood for anything, let alone church. I was suppose to meet my CG at 3pm. And believe me when I say, it was hell! I went through the decision to just stay home and not go over a million times. Finally, I made up my mind to give my members another chance. After being lectured, I guess, they had some improvements, they were not as notorious and did rather well, in the listening and participating part. This sometimes boggles my mind, why cant they be consistent. Every time I try to rage out or get a reason from them to quit, they give me a reason not to. I am utterly confused most of the time. I got home after youth though, not staying for celebration was my wise decision. I just didn't want to be around people, and well, I started getting a headache. I got home, watched TV and slept. At night, I got myself up and well, was kinda in the mood to go out. Went to Mcd's with some friends and just had some fun...

I love Sundays. It's my ultimate time of doing nothing. just me and myself. I spent the one yesterday watching DVD's. Back-to-back of Brothers and Sisters. Relaxing was what I wanted and I think I did feel relaxed the whole day.

Now here I am, back to reality, the nightmare that's happening in my life, working hours that I can't seem to get used to and a horrible case of negativity.

Keep looking :)