Under My Skin

There's this feeling in me that is not recognizable. I feel annoyed and agitated. I can't seem to calm down and I get frustrated over everything. I feel inferior and vulnerable, I keep thinking the worst of things and that people secretly hate me. I can't seem to be at peace or feel happy. I think it's hard being invisible and unnoticed. I can't put on a mask to hide my true feelings, it just doesn't work anymore... I am afraid of being alone or ridiculed and can't seem to run away. I want out of this life. I want to get away, escape from this tension and pressure. I want to be set free, to feel a life that's worth living for, I don't want the thoughts of hurting myself or other people running through my head over and over again every night and I hate to ever again cry myself to sleep. I don't want to have to look back at my life and find that there was nothing accomplished, to look back and see a life I don't recognize. I don't want to have regrets or have this guilt feeling anymore. I want to feel clean and pure. I want to come out free and not having to withhold anything back. I do lie all the time, on my feelings, on what I'm going through and about the things I do, it's only cause I put my guards up very high. Is it wrong to not reveal myself? I don't, can't have anyone knowing the things that are happening or running through in my head. It's tiring to have this feelings and burden set on me as it is, I don't want to have people talking stuff about me or judging me. I know can't save myself, I can't get out of this supposed life I have. I want to be renewed, please just let me be me, to be who I want to be, to do what I want to do. So forgive me if I sometimes cross the line, I'm just trying to find the real me again. In order to get this uncomfortable feeling away, I need to do this...