Merry Christmas!!

Tis' the day of sharing and giving. Hope you will have a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...

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Living My Life Freely

No rules and no plans. Sounds like a great life right? For me, taking risks and being spontaneous just isn't me. It's the fear of looking ridicules that just stops me from being wild and carefree. But the feeling when you do something so crazy, just doing whatever that is on your mind and not thinking much about it, well it's just the best feeling in the world. I find that sometimes I let my insecurities get the better of me, maintaining my sensible image is rather important but by doing that I feel like I lose out on life and its excitement. My character is something I feel is sometimes dull and uninteresting. Sad but true, I really need to be out there doing fun stuff, and learn to enjoy my life.

Yesterday, roaming around Sungai Wang and Pavilion was surprisingly fun, tiring but fun nonetheless. Walking aimlessly looking for nothing really. But it was fun looking at the interesting stuff around. KL, it is really awesome to be in, not the same feeling as when in PJ.

The roads are pretty confusing and honestly really messy.
But the city feels really wide and open and is very inviting.

It is colourful and bright, never dull. The creative designs in it just marvels you.
Lights everywhere, it just brightens up the atmosphere.

Getting back form KL wasn't that bad, leaving at the right time, it only take 30minutes, more or less. Later that night I had dinner with some friends from school. It wasn't anything fancy but it was an important occasion. I'll be leaving for NS soon so I may not be meeting my friends anymore for sometime, especially for Wenxian, who will be heading back in 2months time when I'm in NS. Our dinner went from normal to crazy. Causing commotions and 'noise pollution' around places. We went shop hopping around ss2, from Island Cafe to Swensen's and the to KFC and lastly to a coffee shop. It was all because we were wanting different things and was very insanely mad. Nah, probably just hungry, but it was a fun night altogether.
Keep looking :)

Money, The Root of All Evil?

It's never bad to have a little extra money in your pocket. But is it all good? I can never have too much though. Having the thought of money is really tempting for me, splurging on anything I feel fit is always something I am weak against. But I have learned to control myself. It is not only in things like spending money but also in other things. I guess I'm the kind of person who needs to learn things small. Anyhow, Christmas is just around the corner and I feel as if that it is my approval to spend on myself and others too of course, besides it'll be awhile before I will be able to spend my money...


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Life Is Hilarious.

Somehow or rather, my life gets pretty strange. One day it will be all fine and good and then another day it'll seem really crappy. I noticed one thing about myself. I almost never get what I want. For some weird reason, everything that I hope for or wish would happen will actually turn out the opposite of it. And this is not something that happens once in a while, it does actually happen every other time I hope for something. This is really frustrating because I think it's affecting my confidence. So now when I wish to walk out, I would actually not hope for anything or something I wouldn't want happen will actually happen. This really bites...

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How Would One Think It Would Be?

It's never really something one actually things about unconsciously but it does happen. I realize a lot of people do this, processing what you are thinking before speaking. A lot of times I find myself speaking what I think but not really figuring out what will happen. And most of the times I'll regret saying it or thinking in my head, "darn it, i should have said.... instead." I guess it's something we do in the spur of the moment, I don't think it's wrong but somehow I feel a little foolish or dumb for saying them.

These couple of days have been real interesting. Since my SPM ended, my days have been spent in an office working my butt off. Okay, so maybe it wasn't that tough but it was challenging. I had to deal with the long hours, freezing air-conditioning and a supervisor that is really 'encouraging', nah, she's a great person to work with. Topped with a good pay and rather interesting colleagues, it was a truly great experience. Even though I worked for only 8 days, it was one of the best 8 days, did I mention they pay pretty well? Anyhow, it was my last day today. I guess working all my free time away isn't going to be what I want to be doing. I will be instead packing my remaining days I have with friends and me time before I get posted away for NS.

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Goodbye My Friend...

There's nothing better in life than a friend. And when one friend leaves, it just doesn't seem the same anymore. There's so much more in life that one can do with friends by your side. With that said, bon voyage Eve! May your adventures be one that will last a lifetime...

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When Will It Appear?

Where does one find something? And when do they stop searching? Until they find it? What if they don't find it ever? Are they just suppose to live without it? Can they live without it? What happens if they can't? Can they still live? Are we suppose to leave this earth when we don't find that one thing? Why can't we just live our lives free and easy without that something? Does life go on without that thing? Does the phrase "when one door closes another one opens" happen at all? If it does, then why does waiting feel like forever?

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Life Must Go On

Ever wonder what it would be like to just do whatever you want without having to face its consequences? That, to me is the must amazing thing one can actually experience. To me, life is just a constant journey that never seem slightly interesting. I find that things that happen are just so common and ordinary. I sometimes just wish that I would experience something so amazing that no one else have. A happening that is only meant for me but wishes are dreams, something in your thoughts and aren't always meant to be brought to reality. I would want to have at least a fraction of what real life has to offer. To be honest, the whole riding along with life and waiting to see what it brings is not exciting anymore. Taking control of my life, stewarding it, that's what I must do now.

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Hurry Up Already...

Waiting for something to pass is really not as easy as it seems. Time, for example, passes by fast when you look back but when at the present it seems as though it stands still. I don't exactly enjoy the moment of waiting, it's nerve wrecking and stressful. I can't wait for my exams to end but I am also afraid of what will happen after school life. You know that feeling where you get all excited about doing something and you've even planned it out in details but at the end it does not go through. That's how I feel right now, all my plans on travelling and going places after secondary school doesn't seem like it's possible any. Either way, I still can't wait for next year. I am still waiting for my letter from PLKN, don't know why, but I do hope for it to come soon. For some reason I have this urge to just want to vacate my life and just do something different and fun and I want that so bad, even NS is sounding funner than it is. right now I'm like in the midst of my SPM, it will end pretty soon but the waiting is still bad. Freedom, come to me!!

Keep looking :)

Being Comfortable

There's always something that everyone wish they had or can do. Whether it is a skill or an achievement, there is a definite thing each person wants in their lives. I've always wanted to be that guy everyone notices or would want to be around with or talk to. I guess i just lack that outgoing, likable personality. So throughout most of my life, I've never been really comfortable with just being me. I always try to fit in and be truly accepted or at least to know that there's one person out there who notices me. I guess sometimes I lose myself pretending to be someone I'm not just for people to know me. You can say I lack attention. But I recently noticed that no matter what I do, I will never be really noticed as me unless I stop pretending to be someone I'm not. It's never easy to feel alone even when in a crowd or feel invisible right in front of people. The only thing one can ever do is just be yourself and be comfortable by being you. Who cares if you are alone now, stay true to yourself and sooner or later, someone will notice you for who you are.

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Lucky I'm In Love...

There's never once that I think to myself, "Wow, my life is an awesome one." I guess most people are never satisfied with their life or what they have. Many times I go on and on about my 'miserable' life and how tragic my fate is but I never stopped to wonder about the worst things that could have happened to me. So in a way I am spared from worse things but still suffer the bad. I do think that my life is pretty awesome, sure I don't enjoy expensive luxuries, drive nice cars, wear designer labels and I am rather unknown to the world, but hey, I am alive, healthy, have some pretty nice friends and an average lifestyle. So this is me loving my life, of course that doesn't mean I am satisfied and will stay this way forever, but I am living it the best I can. Are you?

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No Regrets

Have you ever felt like the actions you take are not right but you just do it anyway? Have you felt as if the risks you take will just be a huge mistake? It's never easy to know for certain if what you do is right or wrong and sometimes the only way to know that you made a mistake is when you suffer for the consequences. One can't predict the consequences of your action, if you can, you're God. Whatever you do or choose to do, do it with no regrets. Don't hesitate to do what you think is right and what is rational. No regrets, that's one thing I'm learning to do. Letting go of your past mistakes and accepting the causes caused. There's nothing left to do, you can't change your past, so lets live out our lives without any regrets of the past.

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Could It Be But A Mistake?

I try very hard to keep up with life, the whole living my life to its fullest thing, but lately I feel like everything that I do or seem to try a accomplish just does not have that feeling of fulfillment. Could it be that I didn't give my 100% or has my standards just increased? Either way the sense and feeling of failure to accomplish and not being able to achieve something just kills me inside. I feel downgraded and as if I no longer have a purpose. Why does everything I do or every effort I put into accomplishing something just goes up in smokes? The worst part of it all is thinking you have done your fair share but results just aren't as satisfying as you wanted it. I know that everything happens for a reason but somethings are just so unknown and keeps you guessing if what is happening is nothing but a joke played by God himself. I start to wonder if there is anything left in this world that is at all sensible. So, as I wrap up this post, I do not wish to live a life that is nothing but failure and meaningless activities, instead I hope to find something in this big old world that needs me. Unlikely as it may be but that is life, it is not it until you've live through it. What do you think? Well, my trials ended yesterday and ya, it went not great. But the upside is, having been through that, there is only one more thing that I can do, study harder for SPM.

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Finding Yourself

I have never gotten the kind of friends that many have, the kind you can share secrets with or the ones whom you actually trust and take your mask off. Revealing myself to people just isn't as easy as many of you may think. Maybe it's just me but I never seem to find a friend who I know I can lean on. I do have all this confusion and frustration that I just can't share to people I know, not even close friends. One problem I face is the fear of ridicule. I just don't want people I mix around with to see my weakness and vulnerability. Another problem is that there isn't anyone I am close to enough or know long enough to actually understand or trust. I somehow just shun people I know away. It kills me that I have so much frustration that I can't handle and the worst thing is no one can actually help me. Obviously I don't want to reveal it but maybe I will once I find the right person. At the mean time, blogging about it in an anonymous way is the best way to let it out. It's tough to fit in a group of people or find a true friend that is willing to care. I just don't feel that I have ever had this privilege of having someone who cares about me as some people have. I often feel out casted and like I have to try hard to fit in. Nobody is truly alone, but I find that really hard to believe. On the outside, one may seem so sociable and friendly but that doesn't mean that he or she has someone who will be there for them. Maybe it's just my conception or high expectation to what a real friend is but i wouldn't know now would I? Let me try something new. Please if you are reading this, drop in your comments or point of view. It would be really nice to hear from my readers. Besides, I do need help in various areas from now on, plus you get to know what others might think too. I know this is very cheesy, but i want to thank you for spending time to get to know me better through my posts.

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Daring To Move

It is my exam week now. Trials to be exact. I have never in my life enjoyed the exhilarating thrill of the stress caused by the exams. It's not much that I feel dumb or something, it's just that procrastinating spirit, I-don't-give-a-damn attitude and a bit of laziness in me that just makes studying such a burden. I honestly don't think I'm stupid or retarded, alright maybe a little, but my real weakness will be striving and working hard. So as I'm posting this, I am indeed wasting my study time. Now, lately things has gotten a whole lot confusing in my life. Burdens after burdens are being stressed upon me, responsibilities that are given that I honestly don't even bother with are just thrown at me. Do I look like I want to be burdened? Well maybe it's the fact that I look like the kind of person you can take advantage of, but to be frank I am. I have the 'humbling' character apparently, a whole load of bs if you ask me. Honestly I don't like doing things I am forced to do, I don't know why but if someone expects me to do something, I will definitely complain. I have recently realized that life is indeed too short to live in agony and regrets. I guess I'm having one of those life changing moments. Like I've mentioned many times, I do not hate my life. It's just that I want something more than just the one I have now. I want to live a life I am proud of, a life that is free and happy. No more suffering to do things i don't want to or be expected to do something, no more mundane scheduled life and definitely no more responsibilities. I am of course not talking about disowning your life or studies, but more towards the extras that are supposedly 'benefiting to your future' or 'character building'. Like i said, life is too short.

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MERDEKA!

Wow! 51 years of independence. That's something huh? Well, I can't just leave the blog with my previous post, without celebrating an occasion like this. Truly amazing that Malaysia has continued to live in harmony, of course with some glitches, but at the end of it, it is magnificent how we have such freedom and life here in Malaysia. Honestly with the increase of economy, Malaysia is like one of the best places to be. Everywhere else is so not affordable now. Besides, only in Malaysia, food can be gotten 24-7. I think the best thing about Malaysia is the food. Followed by the sensible phone charges and SMS rates. All in all, I am proud to be a Malaysian. With that said, it doesn't mean that I am patriotic, far from that in fact. Anyway, SELAMAT HARI MERDEKA YA'LL!

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Facing Your Demons.

Nobody is perfect. That's what they all say, but is it true? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with flaws, everyone else just look happy and pretty and like their life is at its best. Why can't I be them, or like them? Why am I stuck with the flaws and demons that I have. If I had one wish, it'll be to change my life. Don't get me wrong, my life ain't all bad, just the bad side of it is probably one of the worst. I guess everyone has a bad side of themselves, it's how one covers it on the outside, I do that often and have been really good at hiding true emotions. So, can one hide their real feelings and bury them till it really gets out of their life? Or will it come back to haunt you? I need to face some problems, some personal demons. It's hard to face something you are so afraid of and weak against. I really want it gone, I just want to live a normal life without going to bed at night confused and crying myself to sleep or feel so vulnerable around people. Now, is everyone still imperfect?

Keep looking :)

It's A Rainy Day.

Rain. It's refreshing and cooling, beautiful to watch and and nice to feel. The world needs rain and so do we, but every time it rains boredom and lifelessness comes in. We feel tired and depressed, we can't reach our destinations or be happy cause the weather makes the atmosphere gloomy. So, is rain still important? Well it is but it isn't as fun as you think or like it to be. I think the rain is nice, not suitable though when you're planning outdoor games, walking home/to your destination or when you're trying so hard to study. But all in all, we should appreciate the rain every now and then. Without it, we will have a hard time.

Keep looking :)

Venturing the Unknown.

"Your word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."
-psalms 119:105-

The future. It is said to be one of the greatest mysteries in the world. No one can truly predict what can happen. Yet everyone is curious and wants to know. I guess it is in our human nature to want to know things, to wonder and predict what will happen. God says that His word is our guide. So why do I still feel afraid of my future? It is really hard to believe in something that isn't visible or without proof. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my life after SPM. Even though it is still a long way to go, it is still bothering me that my life after high school will be very scary.

I've sort of planned for my 6 months after SPM, hopefully it will come to past as or better than planned. I got chosen for national service, so I guess my first 3 months are occupied, praying hard for the first intake. Later, I would really like to get a job, to have the feel and work experience. That will be the few months after? Well, I don't plan to start studying so early anyway. If everything works out, I'll be occupied for the first 6 months of 2009. Awesome huh?

Coming back to the present, my trials are like in a months time or less. This one week of holiday will have to be spent studying. I am honestly really behind all the lessons and syllabus, therefore the time left is actually insufficient. But hopefully with a lot of hard work and by God's grace, I'll be able to do well or at least catch up. Although times are tough and the future is uncertain, just remember that worrying is never the solution. All you can do is just to live the best you can today. Like someone once told me, "let tomorrow worry itself, focus on the present", well it went something along that line. =)


Keep looking :)

Beyond the Naked Eye

Have you ever felt that sometimes life is just so complicating. Why can't we just live a life that is easy and stress free? I used to think that my life was at its worst and that it couldn't go downhill anymore. I was dead wrong. After living through the many ups and downs of life, I can only say that ones life is honestly not as bad as you think it is. Reflecting back, I did over react a little and tend to overlook all the great blessings I had. I guess without the challenges I have faced I would never be who I am today and now I can be more appreciating of the things in my life. Well, now for a slightly lighter part. These are a few fun moments shared with friends.

Sometimes life gets the better of you. That's what friends are for.

Keep looking :)

08.08.08

What an incredible date. It is a great date with incredible happenings. So what's so significant about today?

1. Olympics Open.



It's pretty cool to have an opportunity to experience and watch such a great event that doesn't come by often.

2. CF Annual General Meeting.

It's official. I'm finally done with all my extra curricular activities. In some ways I'm sad, but in most I'm glad that the burden and responsibilities are now over and gone. I'll still be around for CF no doubt. But just the fact and knowledge that I don't have to be depended on is a real joy. I was really glad to be appreciated so well. I guess that after all the stuff, being a vice president and all, it's good that we were all deeply acknowledged. I truly thank God that CF really gave their all today, through the worship and supporting of the new committee. I guess there is a plan and a purpose for everything.

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Google Image Tag.

Well the only reason I'm doing this is because i got tagged and I'm pretty free now, so do enjoy.

Tag.
a) Answer the questions below, do a Google Image Search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, do it with minimal words of explanation
b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you've finished answering every question


1. The age you'll be on your next birthday:



2. A place you'll like to travel to:



3. Your favourite place:



4. Your favourite food:



5. Your favourite pet:


- it's a rock...

6. Your favourite colour combination:



7. Your favourite piece of clothing:



8. Your all-time favourite song:



9. Your favourite TV show:



10. First name of your significant other/crush:



11. The town in which you live in:


- this is a map of P.J.

12. Your screen name/nickname:


- what I got typing "life"

13. Your first job:

never worked before...

14. Your dream job:

- this is a traveller, it's what you get...

15. A bad habit you have:


- typed "watching too much tv"


16. Your worst fear:



17. The one thing you'd like to do before you die:



18. The first thing you'll buy if you get $1,000,000:




I tag:
Venu
Elaine Lim
Jamie
Camillia (there u go... a pic tag)
Brandon Cher


Keep Looking :)

Memories.

The many memories and friendships formed over the years.

I hope that the bonds we have and memories shared will last forever.

Keep looking :)